If you are a Christian woman who wants to be in a godly marriage one day, you not only need to find the right man, but you also need to reject the wrong men. How will you know if you should give a guy a chance or reject his pursuit right from the start?
Here are 4 early warning signs God will often use to let you know you should not give a man a chance with you.
1. If He’s Excited About You for the Wrong Reasons, You Should Reject Him
When you want to be in a relationship but you’ve been single for longer than you expected, getting romantic attention can be downright intoxicating.
However, as a Christian who not only wants romance but wants romance that pleases the Lord, you have to be able to decipher why a man is excited about you. If you are just waiting for a man to desire you but you are not also paying attention to why he desires you, it’s very likely you will get hurt by a man with bad intentions.
Even if you are a godly woman who loves the Lord, you need a man who wants you because you are a godly woman who loves the Lord. If he just likes you because of your body, because he’s lonely, or because you two have so much fun together, but the relationship is not Christ-centered, a relationship with this man will bring you more pain in the end that it will pleasure in the beginning.
Proverbs 31:30 will be guiding a godly man, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
2. If He’s Hot and then Cold Depending on the Day, You Should Reject Him
Unhealthy attachments are formed because of how good we feel when the relationship is good even though most of the time this relationship is making us feel so bad. When you’ve fallen in love with the high, it can trick you into enduring the lows for much longer than you should.
If you love the way a man makes you feel but he only makes you feel that way for brief moments because then he also makes you feel terrible at times, this is not the man for you.
I’m not saying your future husband will always say and do the right things. I am saying, however, that a relationship will be marked by consistency when God is truly in it. If he’s hot, then cold, then hot, and then cold, and so on – reject him.
True love is stable and safe, not unstable and scary (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
3. If You’re Entertaining the Idea Because of His Spiritual Potential Rather than His Current Maturity, You Should Reject Him
There are a lot of subjective, personal decisions you will need to make when it comes to accepting the right man’s pursuit of you. However, in Scripture, there are also some objective and non-personal standards that you will also be present when it’s a biblical relationship.
For example, if he doesn’t look the way you thought he would look, if the relationship is harder than you thought it would it be, or if you are just unsure of what to do because the relationship is so new, these are not signs you should automatically reject a guy’s pursuit.
However, if you already know he’s not a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14), if you already know he’s not prepared to lead as a godly husband should in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33), or if there is some other glaring moral issue (Galatians 6:7-9), you should reject this man and not give him any more of your time.
Committing to someone because they have potential is like throwing away all the food you have right now, planting a seed, and hoping it replaces everything you just threw away. What if the seed is bad? What if there is no rain? What if just doesn’t grow?
Potential is a trap many Christians have fallen into because it always goes both ways. There’s also the potential that this man turns from God even more than he already is. There’s also the potential that he stays exactly the same.
I’m not saying potential is bad. I’m simply saying that if you accept a man’s pursuit, you have to be comfortable with who he is right now. He might get better. He might stay the same. He might get worse. All you can know for sure is that he is who he is right now and you have to make your decisions based on facts and not hopes.
4. If You Gave Him a Chance to Change Your Feelings But You Still Don’t Like Him, You Should Reject Him
God will never command you to marry someone you don’t want to marry. I know this because in the Bible, marriage is an option for those who want it. If you don’t want to be married, this is a biblical sign God has called you to singleness (1 Corinthians 7:8-9, 37).
When we apply this truth to individual relationship questions, it means God will not call you to marry a man unless you want to marry him. I do think it’s wise to be open to a guy who has good Christian qualities, but you lack a personal desire for him. Sometimes your feelings will change if you get to know him.
However, if you give him a small chance to change your perspective of him, but you still don’t like him, it’s best for him and you to reject his pursuit sooner rather than later. You don’t want to lead him on and you don’t want to waste time with a man you’re not going to marry.
When the right guy pursues you, you will be happy and you will want to be in a relationship with him (Song of Solomon 1:2-4).