I’ve talked a lot about how to know “when” God is telling you to move on from someone, but I haven’t talked as much about “how” to actually do this.
So here are four biblical ways God will help you let someone go.
1. Don’t Be Friends and Don’t Be Enemies
Many people try to be friend after a breakup or after one of them expresses interest but was rejected. This is a mistake because when you don’t guard your heart towards this person (Proverbs 4:23), this person will still be in your heart.
On the other side, however, are those who become enemies with their ex or towards the person who rejected them. This too is a mistake because the strife and feelings of revenge actually keep you connected to this person and it gives a foothold to the devil (Ephesians 4:26-27).
When you still have strong feelings about someone, whether they be strong positive or negative feelings, this prevents you from really moving on. Let them be just another person in the world, not a friend nor an enemy, which will help your strong feelings of love or hurt weaken through the separation.
2. Repent of Past Sins You Committed and Forgive Sins Against You
To be free in the present, you must deal with your past.
Jesus came to set us free from sins, so if you committed sins against this person or with this person, confess them to God and he will set you free (1 John 1:9). And if this person has sinned against you, you can forgive them through grace like God has granted you grace (Ephesians 4:32).
Do you need to talk to this person to forgive them or to be forgiven by God? No, you don’t. You need to talk to this person to be reconciled. But if letting them go is your goal, forgiveness is key and reconciliation is not needed.
Sometimes it’s not wise to talk to this person again. For example, if they are in a new relationship, it would be disrespectful to contact them and talk about your past relationship. Or if you have a history of breaking up and getting back together, you should not contact this person because you will be tempted to get back together.
However, if you feel it’s respectful and the other person is mature enough to talk with you so you two can forgive and then move on, that could be good. So it really depends on the situation and what God is leading you to do.
3. Accept There Is No Future with this Person
One of the primary causes of not being able to move on from someone is having a hope that you two will one day get back together.
While God does bring two people back together at times, it is rare. Usually two people who get back together just end up having the same problems they had before. If there was no major transformation, always avoid getting back together if you want to avoid repeating the pain you experienced already.
But this article is not about getting back together. This article is about moving on and letting go. If you know God is telling you to let this person go, you have to accept there is no future with this person, which then frees you to pursue other paths that are possible (Proverbs 23:17-18).
4. Avoid Interactions and Spend Time with Different People
Pain changes us. It makes our hearts like wet concrete. When the concrete is wet, you have to set it how you want it and then you need to let it dry in place. Likewise, during seasons of pain, you are in a condition that is very moldable. You have to use this to your advantage. Set yourself how you want to be and then protect yourself from negative outside influences.
If you are constantly seeing your ex or this person who rejected you, it’s like stirring the wet concrete. But once you let your heart heal, you won’t be so fragile in the future.
You also have to replace their presence with new people. The Christian life is not just about removing things that are hindering us. It’s also about filling our lives with healthy things that enhance our walk with God. As Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 explains:
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
Are you struggling to control your thoughts about someone? Here’s an article called How to Stop Thinking About Someone You Liked.
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