If God knows the future, why did he let you get into a relationship with someone that seemed great at first but later on they changed into a completely different person?
Here are 4 possible reasons God allowed this to happen to you.
1. God Allows You to Meet People Who Seemed to Change for the Worse Because in Reality He Was Just Showing You a Deeper Part of This Person You Needed to See
Biblically there are two groups of people, one group being Christians and the other group being the unsaved. In our humanity, however, we have a tendency to simplify people into two other camps. There are the good people and then there’s the bad people.
But when you really get know an actual human being, you will see that they are very complex. It’s clear that people who don’t believe in Jesus oftentimes do very good things to help other people in need. It’s biblical to say that someone is saved or unsaved, cleansed or not cleansed, in the world or not in the world, and so on. But it’s too simplistic to label someone with the earthly titles of “bad” or “good.”
For example, a man can be a loving father who spends time with his kids, speaks kindly to them, provides for their needs, and would literally lay down his life for his children. But this same man can also do all of these good things while also cheating on his wife and having an affair. His sins against his wife don’t change the fact that he actually does love his children.
Or take the fallen pastor. People can get so confused when they learn that their pastor was stealing money from the church because this pastor truly helped these people. He was there for them when their child died. He was there for them when their marriage was falling apart. His sermons were used by God to bring real transformation into their lives. And so they just can’t believe that this man was also stealing money from the church this whole time too.
The point I’m making is that these types of situations are not just because someone changed from being a good person into a bad person. Rather, situations like these often occur because there are layers to people that we can’t see.
So when it comes to relationships, sometimes it’s not that God allowed you to meet someone who changed later on. Rather, God often allows you to see a different layer to this person that had always been there but you just didn’t know about it yet. In kindness God eventually just revealed the whole truth to you about this person.
As 1 Samuel 16:7 states, “For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”
2. God Allows Us to Meet People Who Change Later on Because God Does Put Certain People in Our Lives to Help Us for a Season
People generally dislike change. When we are happy, we want things to stay the same because we feel like that is the only way to remain happy. But God allows change because God wants growth.
Sometimes God puts people in our lives just for a season because that person is used by God in your life for a very specific purpose. But once that purpose is over, God removes that person from your life. God can even do this with someone who will later hurt you. It is possible God brought that person into your life to help you in a certain way but then God removes that person from your life by showing you this other side to them. Notice how Paul knew that there are always people who will later change. In Acts 20:28-32 he is saying his goodbyes to the Ephesian elders. It states:
Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore be alert, remembering that for three years I did not cease night or day to admonish every one with tears. And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.”
For three years Paul worked side-by-side with these elders. But on his departure, he warned the group that individuals in that group would later change. Paul didn’t let this fact affect his ability to serve with these men for those three years. He understood that God can use people for good during a season even though that same person will later change for the worse.
3. God Allows People Into Your Life Who Will Change for the Worse Because He Uses These Trials to Mature You and Prepare You
I don’t want to minimize this very painful experience of getting attached to someone you really care about to then only see this person totally change into someone completely different. This experience can bring deep confusion to the mind and deep agony to the heart.
But through our wounds, God is always working. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all,” (Psalm 34:18-19). He always has a greater purpose for the pain in your present that will be reveled in the future. As James 1:2-4 explains:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
4. God Allows You to Meet Someone Who Changes Because Eventually Everything Changes Except God
Some people in your life will change for the worse. Others will change for the better. But everyone in your life will eventually change because everything on this earth is always changing. The only one who will be stable forever is God himself.
In fact, God often uses this painful experience of meeting someone who changes to remind us of the unchanging love of God that our hearts need most of all. It’s good to desire to love someone and grow old with them as you both change for the better. But ultimately our craving for unchanging love is rooted in our need for God himself.
As Jeremiah 31:3 says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”