If you are a Christian woman who reads her Bible, I’m sure you already know a lot of red flags to watch out for when it comes to men. You know a man is not acting biblically if he pushes for sex before marriage, if he is sending you mixed signals, or if he is idolizing you.
So in this article, I want to talk about some less obvious pointers. Therefore, here are 4 things a good man will not do when he is pursuing you.
1. A Good Man Will Not Assume He Knows God’s Future Will for You
As Christians, we should be seeking God’s guidance about his will for our lives, including when it comes to relationships. However, it’s never right to treat God like a tarot card reader or a psychic looking into his crystal ball on our behalf.
Some people believe that to have a strong faith, you have to believe you know what is going to happen. They wrongly interpret the Scriptures to mean that to get something you want, you have to believe for sure that God will absolutely do this for you. Thus, if they want to be in a relationship with you, they will think they must believe God will for sure do this; otherwise, if they doubt that God will do this, they assume it won’t happen.
This is not biblical faith. Biblical faith is about trusting God and believing in his goodness even when you don’t know what is going to happen (Matthew 6:28-34). Faith is not the belief that God will do it. Faith is the belief that God could do it if it’s his will. Rather than needing to know the future, biblical faith says, “No matter what does or does not happen, I know God will protect me. He will guide me. I trust him.”
So if a man is claiming to know the future regarding your relationship with him, one of two things is true. One, he might be immature. His heart could be in the right place, but his biblical knowledge is weak and thus he is probably not ready to lead you in marriage. Or two, he is being manipulative and trying to control you through claiming to know God’s will for your life.
A good man, however, will seek to follow the Lord in humility, knowing that God has the final say and not humans (Proverbs 16:9).
2. A Good Man Will Not Needlessly Keep You in the Dark About His Intentions for You
Usually there is a mismatch in expectations when it comes to revealing romantic feelings for each other. Therefore, I’m not saying a man is not good for you just because you wish he would make his intentions known to you in a faster way.
When he’s a good man, there’s usually two reasons for why he might not be expressing his romantic interest in you yet. The first reason is that you may be misinterpreting his interest. It’s possible he’s taking so long to reveal his feelings because he doesn’t have feelings for you in that way and thus he is never going to pursue you.
If he does have feelings for you, however, there will be a good reason for his delay. In other words, he will not needlessly keep you in the dark. Perhaps he is just coming out of a relationship and knows he’s not ready to date yet. Perhaps he knows he’s going to be going away for a few months and thus wants to pursue you once he gets back. Or perhaps he just doesn’t feel released by God right now to pursue a woman.
Look for a good reason to possibly explain his lack of pursuit. If there is no good reason, it’s best to assume he’s not interested or he’s just playing games. If there is a good reason for his delay, give him time if you believe he is a good man. Perhaps you just need to be a bit more patient and then he will tell you how he feels.
Boaz, for example, was older than Ruth. She was also a widow who just lost her husband. Therefore, he probably did not pursue her right away because he was unsure if Ruth was ready. Once that barrier was removed when Ruth said she was ready, he then pursued her openly (Ruth 3:9-13).
3. A Good Man Will Not Beg or Chase If You Seem Uninterested or Too Afraid
It’s true that it is the man’s job to pursue. Some women, however, find too much comfort in this fact. They can overapply this principle and imagine that a good man will pursue no matter how she is responding to his pursuit. Even if she is cold, uninterested, or too afraid to respond to his pursuit, she will assume he was just not the right man for her if he stops pursuing her.
The truth is, a woman’s role in the relationship is different than the man’s but equally as important. They are both made in God’s image, thus God has bestowed on both of them free will and responsibility (Genesis 1:27).
As the old saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” While the man must lead in the dance before dating by pursuing, the woman has to follow his lead if she hopes to be in a relationship with him one day.
4. A Good Man Will Not Get in the Way of Your Love for God
A good man must be a Christ-centered man, because without Christ none of us can do anything good (John 15:5). Thus, just as Christ will be the most important thing in his life, he will also want to help you honor the Lord first and foremost in your life as well.
A good man will be happy to come after God in your heart.
Related Article: 5 Biblical Marks of a Good Man Sent By God Into Your Life