4 Things God Is Saying Through Conflict in Dating

Is this conflict a sign God wants you two to let each other go? Or is this conflict a sign God is actually preparing you two to get married one day?

Conflict can tell us a lot about what God is saying. But we need to properly interpret the signs so we can accurately follow the Lord in our relationships.

Therefore, here are 4 ways God will speak to you through the conflict that occurs in a dating relationship.

1. What the Conflict Is About Will Help You Know What God Is Saying About This Relationship

Content is king. Whether you are writing a book, making a movie, or just telling a story, it doesn’t matter how you dress it up. If the content isn’t good, the story is just bad.

The same is true when it comes to conflict in dating. There are arguments worth having. And then there are arguments that are a complete waste of time. There are conflicts that need to happen before two people can get on the same page and be married one day. And then there are conflicts that are so unimportant, a couple could have never had it and been perfectly fine.

So to know what God is saying about this conflict happening between you and your dating partner, ask yourself, “Is this an important issue? Or are we just making an issue of something meaningless?” Proverbs 20:3 (NLT), “Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.”

For example, maybe things get heated because you two are struggling to navigate the holidays. You both have family traditions, and now that you are together, you’re finding it difficult to find a happy medium. This is a healthy disagreement that can show you two if you’re going to be able to make it in marriage one day, because things like that come up all the time.

On the other hand, if you are getting into fights about what to watch on Netflix or where to go out to eat, that is not good. Of course, if you’re around someone long enough, now and then, you will probably both be tired and irritable at the exact wrong time and trigger each other into having a pointless argument that should have never happened. But if this is a regular theme in the relationship, where you argue about nonsense, that is a strong sign God is probably telling you two to part ways.

Marriage will be hard enough without finding dumb reasons to fight with each other. By examining the “what” of the conflicts, God will give you a lot of insight.

2. How Often Conflict Is Occurring Will Help You Know What God Is Saying About This Relationship

As I just said, it’s not realistic to think two imperfect humans will avoid all dumb arguments all the time. Sometimes one of you is just irritable when hungry, and then one of you might ask the other an innocent question about their day, and they might respond in too harsh a tone, and then you both might go round and round that night, needing to apologize the next day. That’s pretty normal.

However, if that type of thing happens a lot, that’s a bigger problem. You’re going to wear each other out if you can’t just overlook small offenses, agree to disagree about small things, and if you both need to be right all the time.

Proverbs 19:11, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” The Hebrew word for glory (tiferet) means beauty or honor. Scripture teaches that emotional restraint is not weakness but the attractiveness of character.

Everyone has occasional bad days, but constant friction causes an ugliness in a relationship. There certainly is a time and place to address the sins someone committed against you (Matthew 18:15), but it’s also a beautiful quality to be able to overlook small offenses and give someone grace. A Spirit-filled Christian will know how to practice both biblical options depending on which one is needed.

Sometimes the content isn’t the biggest sign God will use to point out a red flag. Sometimes it’s the regularity that is the sign.

The same is true for bigger issues. Maybe something really bad happens and a big need for forgiveness arises. Or maybe you two have a significant disagreement about something important to your faith. Or perhaps you can’t agree on which state you would live in if you were to get married one day.

Those are bigger issues that can certainly derail a relationship. However, if they rarely ever happen, that’s a good sign. You should expect a few big issues to pop up in dating. God may still lead you to marry that person.

But if big issues keep popping up over and over again, that’s probably a sign it’s not meant to be.

3. How the Conflict Is Handled Will Help You Know What God Is Saying About This Relationship

Unfortunately, conflict before marriage is inevitable. In fact, it’s essential. Why? Because without conflict, you can’t really know if someone has good character or not. When you are being pressured to act badly, only then do you have the opportunity to show someone your good character.

Therefore, conflict is rarely a red flag in and of itself. Rather, the message God is revealing through the conflict will be determined by how each person acts in the midst of it.

In Galatians 5:23, the word used for “gentleness,” one of the fruits of the Spirit, comes from Greek prautēs, meaning strength under control—not passivity. The word was used in Greek specifically to describe a wild animal that had been tamed—a horse once untamed but now obedient to the bit and bridle.¹

Therefore, genuine gentleness is not weakness but rather power channeled appropriately. Gentleness in the midst of conflict reveals whether someone is Spirit-led or flesh-driven.

If you both can show love and grace even when there is an issue, that’s a very clear sign the Holy Spirit is in this connection.

4. How You Two Move Forward After Conflict Will Help You Know What God Is Saying About This Relationship

Some people never learn to let something go. Once you wrong them, the relationship is pretty much over. You’re dead to them.

While we can all relate to that urge when we are wronged, we also have to accept that this attitude is a losing ingredient in a healthy marriage. Without being able to truly let something go after forgiveness has taken place and the issues has been worked out, the couple will always have a bad relationship.

Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” A healthy relationship can only stay healthy through a rhythm of reconciliation. It’s not about keeping the relationship perfect, as though one problem can ruin it forever. Rather, a healthy relationship is about regularly revitalizing the connection. Life wears us down. Thus, renewal is always needed.

When a man and woman can get through a storm and walk hand in hand afterwards, with no resentment or animosity, that couple has the ingredients to enjoy a long and happy life together.

Here’s a study on one Bible verse that can direct you to the person God wants you to marry: God Can Use THIS Verse to Reveal Your Future Spouse to You