How Does God Tell You Who to Marry?

how to know who God wants you to marry

Proverbs 3:5-6

When you are a Christian single who desires to please God, one of the most pressing questions is often, “How will I know when I meet the person God wants me to marry?”

One AGW reader left a comment on the blog, “How to Know if God Is Calling You to Singleness: 4 Signs God Wants You to Be Single.” He states:

My question is, what does a Christian relationship really look like? How does God let you know that you’ve found the right person?

Below are four ways to know how God might tell you if you’ve found the right person to marry.

  1. God tells you who to marry through the obvious circumstances in your relationship.

God usually speaks through the obvious and practical details of our lives. Therefore if you think someone is the “one” and yet they don’t feel the same way, God is not speaking what you think.

Look at all the obvious signs first. Are you both Christians? Are you both mature enough for marriage? Do you both want to be married to one another? Do your friends and family support this union?

the one

Sometimes we over complicate things. When you can answer simple questions like these, barring some supernatural revelation from God telling you otherwise, God is usually telling you “yes” through this type of circumstantial evidence that you should marry this person.

  1. God always speaks to us through his word, including on who to marry.

In addition to the external circumstances, you should first and foremost go to the word of God. God will not tell you who to marry specifically in his word, “Marry Amy!” But God does help us know who he wants us to marry by teaching us what type of person Christians should marry.

Does this possible marriage union contradict any commands in Scripture? God always speaks through his word. So is this potential marriage partner the type of person God tells Christians to marry? Are you the type of person God wants to marry one of his sons or daughters? Are you trying to missionary date an unbeliever? Will you be somewhat compatible and equally yoked theologically in marriage? Is your vision for the type of life you want to live for God compatible with one another? What other biblical categories come to mind that the two of you might need to talk through?

Answer questions like these through studying God’s word and then compare your possible marriage with your findings. No one will be perfect. Each marriage will have struggles. If you are looking for perfection you will always be unmarried. But never deny obvious truths in Scripture for the sake of marrying someone.

When we try to live according the word of God, God will let you know when you have found the right person.

  1. How do you know if you’ve found the right person? Listen to the Holy Spirit’s leading in your heart.

We shouldn’t make every decision based upon feelings inside of us. But as Christians, we must be sensitive to the Spirit’s leading.

If God is leading you to marry someone, you should feel good in your heart about the decision to marry this person. If you have major fear, anxiety, and uneasiness about it all, the Holy Spirit might be trying to speak with you, telling you to slow down or not to marry this person at all.

Of course we will feel some fear and anxiety whenever we are making a big decision. But you will know (discernment) the difference between healthy fears relating to big decisions compared to when the Holy Spirit is giving you a clear “No.”

  1. Trust me (and everyone else with this common advice): “You will just know” when God is telling you who he wants you to marry.

Finally, for the vaguest and perhaps most unhelpful (or most helpful, depending on how you look at) advice: When you meet the one God wants you to marry, you will just know.

People say this all the time and it makes no sense until you experience it for yourself. But for me and for everyone else I’ve talked to about this subject, this statement, “You will just know,” is true when it comes to answering the question, “How does God let you know that you’ve found the right person?”

Seek God, love God, follow God, obey God, trust God, and he will make it clear who he wants you to marry. You won’t know until it’s time. Therefore, just follow him and enjoy the ride. He’s training you right now for what’s ahead.

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