1 Corinthians 13:11
Despite what our modern feminist society is telling men, women still want strong men. This is especially true when it comes to Christian women.
Despite all the men tearfully sitting at home furiously typing in the comments section how there are no traditional women left, there truly are still many feminine women with biblical values who want to follow a strong man in marriage one day.
Yes, these types of women are getting rarer and harder to find. But they are out there. I hear from them every day. They are saying the same things about the men, “Where are all the strong godly guys?”
If you want to attract one of these women, you need to stand out. These ladies are highly sought after and the only way you will get to be with one of them is if you are the real deal. They want a strong, godly man.
So here are 5 traits you need to avoid because they make you look weak to women.
1. Spiritual, Emotional, and Practical Immaturity
Women are attracted to men who are at least equal or above them in spiritual, emotional, and practical maturity.
We all have an internal clock that measures everyone’s development against their age. When a young man plays video games throughout high school, the girls don’t really care. If he has other desirable qualities for that age, they will still like him. But when a man is in his 30s or 40s and is still spending a lot of time playing video games, this is off putting to the women who are in his phase of life. If you are college age, you need to be something more than a high school boy. If you are mid to late 20s, you need to be something more than a college age man. And so on and so forth.
This same idea plays out across the board. If you are young, a woman isn’t going to see your lack of Bible knowledge as a big deal so long as you are studying and growing. Your entry level position that doesn’t offer great benefits isn’t so worrisome if you have a good work ethic and time to grow in your career. Even your emotional immaturity is not a huge red flag to her so long as you are willing to improve in this area as time goes on. If you are younger, growing, and have a plan, she will give you a chance.
The older you get, the less grace she will have for you in these areas because there is a mismatch between your maturity and the internal clock she has for where you should be as a man. As Paul said, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways” (1 Corinthians 13:11).
2. Complaining to a Woman and Seeking Comfort from Her
Modern women will say things like, “I want a man who is in touch with his emotions” or “I find it attractive when a man can cry in front of me” or “I just want him to share his feelings with me and open up more.” This is a trap. Don’t believe them. Women don’t actually want this from men.
Women think they want a man who shares his emotions, until they actually get with a man like this. A woman doesn’t know what to do with a guy who is emotional and talks about his feelings. It actually scares her because deep down she wants a man who is stable. She wants to be able to go to him to make her feel safe. She doesn’t want to be the source of safety for the man.
So really, I don’t think women want men who are emotional. They want a man who can understand her emotions. She wants to feel known and understood by him. And do make an emotional connection with a woman, you do have to share and open up. So I’m not saying never share anything about your feelings. If something sad happens in life (like someone dies) and you feel like crying in front of her, then she probably will find this attractive.
But you want to avoid being a complaining, overly emotional man who is going to her for comfort. Complaining is the hallmark of weakness. When I was boy of around 10 years old, my dad had a massive strong that crippled the entire left side of his body and left him with a severe brain injury. He lost his job working for the city water department because he could no longer do the physical labor.
But my dad is a warrior. Instead of complaining, he went back to work at a grocery store to provide for my sister and me. When I was in my early 20s and becoming a man myself, my dad and I were talking about life and what it takes to be a man. Sitting at the kitchen table, he then quoted this poem to me from Robert Service called “Carry On!” From memory, he said:
“And so in the strife of the battle of life
It’s easy to fight when you’re winning;
It’s easy to slave, and starve and be brave,
When the dawn of success is beginning.
But the man who can meet despair and defeat
With a cheer, there’s the man of God’s choosing;
The man who can fight to Heaven’s own height
Is the man who can fight when he’s losing.”
Don’t be a complainer. Don’t go to a woman to comfort you like she’s your mommy. A good woman will bring comfort to you when she sees you struggling because that’s her nature. And you should receive this comfort from her and enjoy it. It’s a blessing to have a woman that cares about you. But don’t seek it out. Don’t complain and intentionally present yourself as weak in front of her, like this will make her like you more. A woman wants a man who is practicing what Philippians 2:12-14 (NLT) states:
Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing . . . .”
3. Fishing for Compliments
“So, did you like the gift I got you?” “What did you think of the date we went on last night?” “I’ve been working out a lot lately. Have you noticed?”
Don’t be that guy. People are not blind. We all see each other. When someone is doing well in life, we see it. But we end up resenting that person and not liking them when they are flaunting their successes. However, when a person is successful and humble, that is the person we all admire. Here’s some Bible verses to follow:
- Proverbs 27:2, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.”
- Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
- Romans 2:29 (NLT), “And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.”
Be the type of man who is quick to give other people compliments rather than the guy who is always fishing for compliments from others. A man who is secure enough with himself to compliment others and point out their successes looks strong to a woman. A man who puts others down and tries to exalt himself looks weak to a woman.
4. Presenting Yourself in Ways that Don’t Fit the Occasion
If you are at the gym working out and you are wearing athletic shorts and a backwards ballcap, a woman is not going to see this as a negative. But if you show up to her parents’ house for dinner looking like that, you will look weak and childish to her.
On the other hand, if you are so uptight you can’t go anywhere without looking your best, this too will look like weakness to her. You don’t need to spend more time than her in the bathroom getting ready just to go on hike in the woods. The goal as a man is to present yourself properly for the situation you are in.
This applies to spiritual matters as well. If you don’t know how to show some reverence at church or you don’t know how to show some compassion at small group when someone shares a sad story or you don’t know how to celebrate with a couple who just had their first child, this is unattractive to a woman.
As Romans 12:15 and 17 states, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep . . . give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.” Ephesians 4:29 also states, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
5. Not Getting the Job Done
Strong men do what they say they will do. Weak men don’t. It’s that simple.
If you say you will pick her up at 7pm, be there at 7pm. If you say you will make reservations, do it. If you commit to going to a family party with her, make sure you get your work done on time so you don’t get hung up at the office. Get the job done. If you are a doer and not a talker, she will see you as a strong man.
Life happens. Sometime we can’t get stuff done we said we would. But if this is a pattern for you rather than the exception, you will look weak to her.
As 1 Corinthians 16:13-15 states, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
Are you a Christian man who wants to glorify God in your relationships with women, in your calling, and in your masculinity? If so, make sure you join me at my new YouTube channel, AGW for Men. Click here to subscribe!