Matthew 7:9-11
Maybe you and someone were building a great friendship that seemed to be headed towards dating, but then this person started dating someone else. Or maybe you two did start dating and things were going great the first six months, but then you started fighting about silly things and broke up. Or maybe you two were even engaged only to have the whole thing called off at the last minute.
Why would God allow a great relationship to get ruined? Here are 4 possible reasons to consider.
And if you haven’t heard, I started a second YouTube channel called AGW for Men. If you are a Christian man who wants to study the word of God with me about relationships, your calling, and other important topics, I’d love for you to join me by subscribing to this new channel. Click here to visit AGW for Men.
1. Your Understanding of a “Great Relationship” Is Skewed Because You Have Not Met “The One” Yet
Have you ever been reading in a dimly lit room and then someone turns more lights on? All of a sudden, you can see a lot better. But when you were reading in the dark, you didn’t even notice how poorly you were seeing.
This is often what happens in relationships. Sometimes you think a relationship is great because you’ve never actually been in a great relationship, thus you don’t have an accurate assessment of what a “great relationship” looks like. When you meet the right person, it’s like the lights coming on and you realize how bad all the past relationships really were.
God knows what a healthy, satisfying relationship looks like because he’s the one who designed relationships (Genesis 2:18). Even if we think a relationship is great and we really want it, God will not let us settle if he knows he has something better for us.
2. God Allows Us to Make Bad Choices with Real Consequences
I believe the Bible states that God has a sovereign plan for everything that happens (Ephesians 1:11). But I also believe the Bible states that God has given humans real authority to make choices that have both good and bad consequences (Genesis 2:16-17).
How does all this work together? I’m not sure. No human can fully understand how God brings about his sovereign plan through the free choices of human beings. But this is what God does.
Therefore, we can say two things at the same time when it comes to this question about why God allowed a great relationship to get ruined:
1. It was not God’s plan for this relationship to work out.
2. The choices made by the man and woman caused this relationship to not work out.
Both of these statements are true. So if you are in a situation like this, all you can do is seek to live for God, obey the Spirit’s leading, and apply his word to your life in the best way you can. And then let the sovereign hand of God bring about whatever it is he wants to bring about.
3. The Issues that Separated You Were Just a Ticking Time Bomb Waiting to Go Off
Sometimes it feels like a relationship “got ruined” all of a sudden because of one little mistake, one thoughtless word, or some random outside circumstance that caused everything to fall apart. In reality, however, this is rarely the case.
When it comes to couples that do get married one day, mistakes happened in dating, thoughtless words were spoken, and challenges occurred in life that made the relationship more difficult. But when it’s the right person and God wants you to get married, these issues don’t break you up.
Many times there was a hidden issue that was there from the very beginning of the relationship but it just got exposed later on. This is why it’s important to date for a healthy period of time before getting married (Song of Solomon 8:4). You need to go through some things together to see what might be hidden, waiting to explode.
4. You Would Be a Good Dating Couple But Not a Great Married Couple
Dating is not condemned in the Scriptures, but it’s not condoned either. It’s really only useful and biblical if we use it to accomplish the biblical goal of marriage.
You want to be happy in marriage, not just happy in dating. And this is what God wants for you too if he’s called you to marriage. Therefore, sometimes you are with someone that suits you well in dating but which will not suit you well in marriage. In Matthew 7:9-11, Jesus said:
Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
Sometimes we ask for bread but then want a stone. Sometimes we ask for fish but then choose a serpent. God is our good Father. Even if we want to give ourselves less than God’s best, God will not let us settle. If you asked for a great husband or wife, but you are choosing a good boyfriend or girlfriend, God will let that relationship fade away so he can give you what you truly asked for.
And don’t forget to check out my new channel, AGW for Men.