Have you ever wondered why you can’t let someone go in your heart even though you know in your mind that this person is not good for you? Do you keep letting yourself get misused by an unstable person because you feel badly for them? Or do you feel obligated to help someone even though they constantly take you for granted? If so, you may be experiencing a trauma bond.
The term “trauma bond” has come to mean many things. I’m simply using this term to describe a relationship where someone has an emotional connection to an unhealthy person who has been causing them some form of harm. It’s not hard to see why Satan loves these types of relationships.
So here are 3 signs Satan is using a trauma bond to keep you trapped in a bad relationship connection.
1. If You’ve Believed the Lie, “I Can Love This Person Out of Their Sin,” This Is a Strong Sign You Have a Trauma Bond
If you are a Christian, that means you have the Holy Spirit in you (Ephesians 1:13, 1 Corinthians 12:13). And if the Holy Spirit is in you, that means no other evil spirit can be in you (2 Corinthians 3:17, 1 John 4:4). This is why the devil will always attack you through lies because he can’t send a demon to directly control you.
One lie he uses to get you trapped in a bad connection with someone is “You can love this person out of their sin.”
Perhaps you saw a glimpse of what this person could be. Perhaps this person even started doing better once you started to love them. But now, they have reverted back to their old ways. Now you feel like it’s your duty to love them so well, to love them so hard, they turn back to God and start living right again. This is an unbiblical use of love and not what God wants for you.
Before we can love someone else and help their heart connect with God, we first need to guard our own hearts (Proverbs 4:23). Yes, God does tell us to love and sacrifice ourselves for others. But God never tells us to sacrifice our own relationship with God for someone else. He never tells us to endure abuse or temptation in order to love someone out of their sin.
Only Jesus can change a sinful heart (John 14:6). You are not this person’s savior. Satan wants you to stay with this person because he knows all you are accomplishing is the destruction of yourself (1 Corinthians 15:33, 2 Corinthians 6:14).
True love comes in different forms. Sometimes we need to be patient with people and give them grace through giving them time to repent (Galatians 6:1). But at other times, the loving thing to do is to discipline someone by not letting them have a relationship with you if they keep misusing you and living in sin (1 Corinthians 5:13, Hebrews 12:6).
2. If You Believed the Lie, “This Person Is The One, So If I Leave Them I Will Be Alone Forever,” This Is Often a Sign Satan Is Using a Trauma Bond Against You
One danger in the term “the one” is that people often attach their own meaning to this phrase. When I use this term, I simply mean “the person God has planned for you to marry.” However, if you believe “the one” is the same thing as a soul mate, a twin flame, or the only person in the world you can be happy with, you are setting yourself up to be misled by Satan.
If you don’t marry that person, that person was not the one because God always accomplishes his plan (Psalm 115:3). So when you use my definition of “the one,” it’s impossible to “miss the one” because if you missed them they were not the one.
When you believe someone is the one who is not really the one, you might be tempted to stay with them even though they are mistreating you because you will feel like this relationship is the only relationship you will ever have. You will feel like if you leave this person, you will be alone forever.
If you are unmarried and you want to leave someone, leave them. God will not tell you to stay with someone who is mistreating you. Don’t let a trauma bond make you stay with someone you do not want to be with. Don’t let your desire for marriage trap you in a bad relationship.
This person could also be narcissistic and thus has tempted you believe that they are the center of your world. They are not. There are other people out there.
Only by letting this bad relationship go will you then be free to get into a biblical relationship that you will enjoy and that is pleasing to the Lord.
3. If You Believed the Lie, “I Have to Stay with This Person Because I Deserve This Bad Relationship,” This Is Spiritual Warfare Coming Against You
When someone abuses you and feeds you lies about yourself, you may come to have such a low view of yourself that you actually believe you deserve this mistreatment. For example, when someone has a short temper and they blame you for everything, after enough mental abuse you might say to yourself, “I really deserve this bad relationship.”
That’s not true. Even if you’ve made mistakes, God doesn’t want you to remain in a hurtful relationship. His grace has made us worthy to receive true love and companionship with each other (Philippians 2:1-5).
When it comes to our relationship with God, Romans 8:1 states to Christians, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” If the Father no longer condemns you, what gives a mere human the right to condemn you?
Here are 3 signs Satan has tricked you into believing someone is the one who is not really the one: 3 Signs Satan Is Tricking You to Believe Someone Is The One.