Ephesians 5:28-29
Here are 5 ways a godly man knows that a woman is “the one” God wants him to marry.
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1. A Man Knows She’s The One Through Using Logic
Every guy is different, so it’s obviously impossible for me to tell you exactly how each individual guy is going to know if a woman is “the one” he wants to marry someday. With that said, most guys lead with their logic over their emotions. Men are strategic planners (Proverbs 16:9), not emotional feelers.
Of course men are still emotional and want to feel a certain way around a woman. But even if a guy feels great around a woman but there is some logical reason that he reasons will prevent him from having a good marriage with her one day, his logic will overrule his emotions.
Even if he doesn’t literally write down a pros and cons list, basically men will evaluate a relationship with a woman based upon the pros and cons. If the cons logically outweigh the pros, he’s going to move on.
This is one reason a woman needs to be patient with a man making a commitment. Of course she should not wait forever, but sometimes she should wait a little longer than she wants for him to make a commitment because his mind needs to catch up to his heart. He needs to see with his eyes the things he hopes are true about the woman in his heart. He’s too logical to rush into something he hasn’t properly vetted.
2. A Man Knows She’s The One When She Responds Positively to His Pursuit
A godly man will know it’s his job to pursue the woman. But one thing women often forget is that men fear rejection just as much as women; men just know they have to face rejection in pursuing a woman if they hope to marry one day because they know it’s their job to pursue.
While women certainly do get rejected too at times, in most cases the women are the ones who get to do the rejecting because the men are the ones who are doing the pursuing. The men ask and the women get to say no or yes.
I say all that because if a woman does not make it worth the man’s effort to pursue her, he will stop pursuing. If he pursues but he isn’t sure how interested the woman is once he does pursue, he will not risk pursuing much more. But when he pursues and she makes him feel like she really likes his pursuit, this man will then usually pursue even more.
If she is negative and unhappy with him, he will not want to be with her. Eventually, the man asks the woman to marry him once he senses this woman wants to marry him. Notice throughout the Song of Solomon that there is a give and take of compliments and of expressing pleasure in the other person (Song of Solomon 1:15-16).
3. A Man Knows She’s The One When She Supports His Career Goals
Women often feel like men choose their careers over them because women view their own careers differently than most men do. Women view their careers as a path to independence. Men view their careers as the path to gaining the right to have dependence lean on them (Ephesians 5:28-29).
Most women want a career so they will be okay if they never get married or if their husband leaves them one day. A man wants a good career to attract a woman to marry him and so he can provide for a wife throughout their life. Most women view a career as a means to support themselves. A godly man will view his career as a means to support his wife and family.
Because women have different views of their own careers, they struggle to understand why men value their careers so much. A godly man knows it’s his job to be the main provider for his wife and kids. Thus, he knows his job is not at odds with his relationships but rather a means by which he can bless those in his life.
4. A Man Knows She’s The One When She Compliments His Masculinity
When you put the masculine and the feminine together (Genesis 1:27), it heightens the masculine traits and the feminine traits. In other words, a man feels more like a man when he’s with a real woman and a woman feels more like a woman when she’s with a real man. A man wants a woman who enhances his masculinity. He doesn’t want a woman who is challenging his masculinity with her own masculine energy. And he doesn’t want a woman stifling his masculinity by trying to force him to be more feminine.
Therefore, when a woman seems to resent the man’s job, his ministry positions, or even his hobbies, the man will often reject this woman not because he loves his job, ministry, or hobby more than this woman but rather because this woman’s rejection of these things makes the man feel like she is rejecting an important part of his masculinity.
A man wants a woman who can come along side of him and plow in the same direction he’s already going (i.e. “equally yoked”, 2 Corinthians 6:14). Of course there will be compromises along the way, but a man will only feel like she’s “the one” once he knows she is a compliment and not a distraction in his life’s purpose to glorify God.
5. A Man Knows She’s The One When God Gives Him “that Peace” in His Heart
While a godly man is logical, masculine, and knows his purpose in life – a godly man will also be seeking to truly walk with God through the leading presence of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, a Christian man will need a peace from God to confirm that this woman is the one he should marry one day. He will not just seek peace and ignore all the tangible signs, but he will also know he needs more than mere logic. He will seek that “peace that surpasses understanding” because he will know that comes from God alone (Philippians 4:6-7).
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