As a real Christian man, your top priority is your relationship with God. You are committed to only being in a relationship with a woman who would help and not hurt your walk with the Lord.
So how can you know if a certain woman would assist or detract your spiritual wellbeing? Here are 5 signs that mean a woman would probably help your relationship with God if you got into a relationship with her.
1. If She’s Pursuing God Without You, that’s a Good Sign She Would Also Pursue God with You
It’s always a bad idea to try to use dating as a means of helping someone become a Christian. Think of standing on a chair. Which would be easier, to pull someone up with you or for them to pull you down? If someone does not have a desire to love the Lord, you are not going to infuse that desire into them through dating; it’s actually more likely that they just pull you down.
Also, when being honest with ourselves, we know that “missionary dating” is really just a bad argument to justify our own sinful desire to be unequally yoked with someone we know God doesn’t want us with.
The best way to choose a dating partner is to look for someone who is already the type of woman you would want to marry. If they lack the marriage qualities you want, don’t date them. Sure, you will need to date them to confirm if they have the qualities you want. But when it comes to the most important quality of being a true Christian who’s pursuing the Lord, you should be able to see that without dating them.
2 Timothy 2:22, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
2. If She Is Not Dating a Bunch of Guys with Bad Character, that’s a Good Sign She Will Help Your Relationship with God
I’m not saying you should avoid all women who have lived in the world at some point in their life. Odds are, you wouldn’t pass that test either, so there’s no point to use a double standard (Matthew 7:1-2). God’s grace is sufficient to truly change us and purify us.
So rather than looking at their entire life and judging her by every bad choice she’s made, it’s much more biblical to assess her recent relationship decisions. It takes time to truly change. You don’t need to judge her for past sins; but if her relationship sins are recent, that is a sign of her current relationship immaturity.
You can see this principle in the advice Paul gives when selecting elders, “He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil” (1 Timothy 3:6).
Again, don’t look for perfection. But if she’s been dating a bunch of men with really bad character in the recent past, that’s a sign she doesn’t have the character needed to be in a mature Christian relationship right now.
3. If She Has Holy Habits, This Is a Good Sign She Would Help Your Walk with God
Big journeys are really just a bunch of individual steps. This is why our daily habits are such a big deal!
If she scrolls on TikTok for endless hours but never cracks her Bible open, if she gossips all day with her friends but never spends time alone with the Lord in prayer, if she goes to the club every Saturday night instead of to church every Sunday morning, these are red flags. It’s a huge green flag when the pursuit of holiness is her habit and not a rare event in her life.
Don’t get me wrong, you must also have holy habits. Her daily walk with God won’t benefit you if you don’t have a daily walk with him too. But if you partner up with a woman who doesn’t value holy habits, it will hurt your desire to practice these needed spiritual disciplines.
Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
4. If the Godly Women in Your Life Approve of Her, This Is a Good Sign She Will Help Your Walk with God
You certainly should be the final decision maker in your own life. However, Scripture is clear that we need other people’s counsel, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” (Proverbs 12:15).
When it comes to assessing women, you should doubly respect the assessments of women you already respect. If your mom walks with the Lord, if your sister is in a healthy marriage, or if your pastor and his wife are an influence on you, then make sure you listen to these women’s advice about this woman you are thinking about.
Women have a way of picking up the truth about other women, just like men have an extra ability to do this about other men. Just as we know how some men are fake in ways that women can’t sense, so too can women sense fake women in ways that we can’t sense.
So if the godly women in your life approve of this woman you like, that’s a great sign she will probably help to your walk with the Lord.
5. If She Wants to Help Your Walk with the Lord, This Is a Good Sign She Will Be a Help and Not a Hurt to You
One of the best parts about being in a healthy Christian relationship is that it should be a mutual desire in each other to help one another’s walk with God.
If a woman is always thinking about herself and doesn’t really care about how she can be a blessing to your walk with the Lord, that is a bad sign. Just as you will want to help your future wife’s relationship with the Lord, so too should she want to help you in that way.
Hebrews 10:24, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works . . .”
Here are 5 Signs God Wants You to Pursue that Woman.
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