If you’ve been reading my biblical applications about relationships, you know that I believe the man should pursue the woman. However, while that is pretty common teaching, I also try to emphasize that the woman should be inviting towards the man.
In other words, I don’t believe it’s good advice to tell women to “just wait to be found” by their future husband. And yet, I also don’t think women should do the exact same things that men should do to find a wife.
Therefore, in this article, I’m going to highlight 4 simple and subtle things a woman can do that help her future husband find her.
And for more on this topic, you may want to read my book called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.
1. To Help Your Future Husband Find You, Be Visible
Notice the language I’m using. I’m not saying a woman needs to find her husband. I think it’s better to say that a man must find his wife. So rather than putting energy into finding a man, I think a woman is better served by putting energy into “helping” the right man find her.
I see this pattern right in the beginning of the male and female relationship. Of Adam, Genesis 2:20 states, “But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” And yet, let’s also remember what Genesis 2:18 states, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Adam was looking. Eve was meant to help Adam. These two truths can help shape your view of how to get married. Your future husband is looking for you. So how can you help him find you?
The first and simplest thing you can do is be visible. Genesis 2:22 states that God “brought her to the man.” It doesn’t say God brought Adam to Eve. It says God brought Eve to Adam. Adam was looking and he took the woman once he found her; but the symbolism here certainly leans toward this idea of the woman being visible so the man can find her.
The same thing happened with Ruth and Boaz. Boaz didn’t go to Moab in search of a wife. He didn’t knock on Naomi’s door asking for Ruth’s hand in marriage. Ruth moved from Moab to Bethlehem. Moab was a godless place. The odds of her being seen by a godly man there were very low. To be seen by a man who served the God of Israel, she needed to go to Israel.
Additionally, she didn’t stay at home praying for food. She went out and worked in the field. And that’s where Boaz saw her.
The point is, if you want your future husband to find you, you have to help him by at least putting yourself in places where he can see you. Don’t expect a godly man to be looking in secular places. If you want a godly man to see you, it makes sense to show up in places where godly men are.
2. To Help Your Future Husband Find You, Let Your Character Be Public
Regardless of the effect it will have on you meeting your future husband, as Christians, we must remember that there’s no biblical category of being a “closet-Christian.” If we are seeking to obey the Bible, the people around us should know what we stand for and who we worship (Matthew 5:14-16).
When we look at Ruth and Boaz again, we see this theme emerge. Boaz didn’t have to do a deep dive to figure out if Ruth was a believer and had good fruit. Everyone knew about Ruth’s character, not just Boaz (Ruth 2:11-12, Ruth 3:11).
If you want a godly man, that means you want a man who wants a godly woman. If he wanted an ungodly woman, he wouldn’t be a godly man. Therefore, you can help him find you by not hiding the truth about who you are, “let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).
3. To Help Your Future Husband Find You, You Must Learn How to Send the Right Signs to Men
Men are the door knockers and women are the door openers. Sometimes, however, women forget this. They think a guy is just being nice, they think he actually just wants to be friends, or they think a guy who has pursued will automatically keep pursuing.
But imagine you receive an invitation in the mail, but you don’t read it, and you simply start marking boxes. And then you send it back. And then you are confused when the person who sent it is expecting you to come to their event. That’s kind of what it’s like when a woman has no idea she’s sending green-light signals to a man she’s not actually interested in.
Or let’s say you receive an invitation, don’t respond, but then get offended when you show up to the event and there’s no place for you there. That’s kind of what it’s like when a woman gets offended that a guy stopped pursuing even though she didn’t send the right signals to let him know she wanted him to keep pursuing.
Ruth knew how to send the stop sign to the guys she didn’t want and the green light to the guy she did want (Ruth 3:9-10). Likewise, one of the best things you can do to help your future husband find you is to learn how to be clear with men.
When you stop a bunch of guys from hanging around you, you make yourself more visible to the guy you actually want. And when that guy starts pursuing you, you encourage his pursuit when you know how to respond positively.
How can you send the right signals? That’s a totally different topic! But thankfully, you can read my book for more on that. Click here to learn about Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.
