3 Simple Ways a Man Can Find His Future Wife

If you’ve been reading my biblical applications about relationships, you know that I believe the man should pursue the woman.

However, I also try to emphasize that biblical pursuit doesn’t mean a man should frantically search for a wife or treat every woman he meets like a potential spouse. While I don’t think men should simply sit back and wait for their future wife to magically appear, I also don’t think a man needs to manipulate circumstances, force relationships, or desperately chase every woman who catches his attention.

Instead, I believe there are some simple and subtle things a man can do that position him to find and pursue the right woman when the right time comes.

So in this article, I want to highlight 3 things a man can do that can help him find his future wife.

1. To Find Your Future Wife, Be Where Godly Women Are

This sounds obvious, but many men make finding a wife much harder than it needs to be because they rarely put themselves in environments where they are likely to meet the kind of woman they want to marry.

For example, if you want a woman who loves Jesus, serves the church, values Scripture, and wants a Christ-centered marriage, it makes sense to spend time in places where women like that are likely to be.

You don’t need to turn every church event into a dating opportunity. But you do need to actually participate in a Christian community. And if you don’t have a Christian community, you need to at least spend time in projects or hobbies that somewhat relate to your Christian values. If you’re a closet-Christian, there’s no chance of meeting a woman to pursue.

Ruth and Boaz give us a helpful picture of this.

Boaz didn’t find Ruth because he traveled around desperately looking for a wife. Ruth was in his field because she was working and serving Naomi. And Boaz was already living and working within the community of God’s people. Ruth 2:3 says, “She happened to come to the part of the field belonging to Boaz.”

God was obviously at work behind the scenes, but Ruth and Boaz were also simply living their lives faithfully in the places God had put them. They were both doing godly things that ended up being the bridge that led them together.

So if you want to find a godly woman, don’t just pray for God to bring her to your front door. Go where godly women are. Get involved. Serve. Build friendships. Participate in your church. Spend time with other Christians.

You may not meet your future wife at church, but if you want a wife who loves Christ, you should at least be willing to spend time in places where people who love Christ gather.

2. To Find Your Future Wife, Let Your Character Be Public

A man doesn’t just need to be visible to women. He needs to be known. There is a huge difference.

You can put yourself in Christian environments and still remain completely unknown to everyone around you. But one of the best ways a godly woman can determine whether you are someone she should consider is by seeing how you actually live.

This is one reason Proverbs 22:1 says, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches.” Your reputation matters. And we see this clearly in the story of Ruth and Boaz. Before Ruth ever meets Boaz, the Bible introduces him this way, “Now there was a man in Bethlehem whose name was Boaz. And he was a worthy man” (Ruth 2:1).

Then, when Ruth eventually comes to Boaz and asks him to consider her as a wife, Boaz tells her, “And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman” (Ruth 3:11).

Do you see the parallel? Boaz was a worthy man. Ruth was a worthy woman. And their worth wasn’t something they suddenly developed when they met each other. Their character had already been demonstrated through the way they lived.

This is important for you as a man because if you want to find a godly woman, you need to become the kind of man a godly woman should want to marry. It’s one thing for her to like you. It’s a completely different thing for her to trust you and open her heart to you.

When she knows your character and that you have a good reputation, it helps her trust her feelings for you.

3. To Find Your Future Wife, Learn to Be Selective

The more times you pursue the wrong woman, the more time you’re wasting. It’s not just that you are literally wasting the time you are using to get to know a woman who’s obviously not marriage material. But you are also exerting all kinds of emotional energy every time you get your hopes up for a woman but then realize it’s not going to work.

All too often a guy sees a pretty woman and asks himself, “Is she the one?” But by not asking that question at all, you are much more likely to meet “the one” a lot faster. By asking questions that relate to the immediate decisions that need to be made rather than distant questions like “Should I marry her?” you dramatically speed up the process.

Most of the relationships that don’t end in marriage could have ended way faster or not started at all. Sometimes you need to actually date a woman and get close to engagement before realizing you shouldn’t marry her. But in the vast majority of cases, mistakes were made if you get that far and waste that much time before realizing you shouldn’t marry her.

So start with the basics. Is she a Christian? Do I like her? Does she like me? Are we compatible in social ways? Can we have a conversation and enjoy it? Or is there obviously no chemistry? Or can you not even work up the courage to talk? If you don’t answer these basic questions first, there’s no point in asking God about marriage.

The point is, a lot of guys think it’s a numbers game, that the more women you pursue, the more likely one of them will work out. I believe you should be way more selective. Only spend emotional energy on a woman once you realize there’s genuine potential there.

Proverbs 14:15, “The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.”