4 Feelings God Uses to Tell You, “That Person Is Not The One”

While feelings should not be our primary guide in life, when it comes to meeting the person God wants you to marry, they are “a” variable we need to consider.

The Scriptures and observable facts in reality should be given more weight when making relationship decisions. However, Scripture itself states that marriage is not a command. Rather, it is a biblical option for those who want it. Thus, you should be aware of your own feelings if you really want to know who God is leading you to marry or not marry.

Therefore, here are 4 feelings you might have when God is saying, “That person is not the one for you.”

1. When You Feel Closed Off Towards Someone Even After Giving Them a Chance to Connect with You, That’s a Good Sign They’re Not The One

You don’t have to give everyone a chance. If you know you’re really not attracted to someone, or if you really don’t enjoy their personality, or you already know they don’t line up with you spiritually, it’s certainly wise not to waste time by being open to a relationship with them.

However, when in doubt, you will often remain in doubt until you give someone a chance. If a man asks a woman out and she’s unsure what God is saying, it’s probably wise to just go on the date to see what happens. If a man is sensing interest from a woman but he’s not sure if they could connect romantically, it’s probably smart to talk to her more.

Once you give someone a chance and your feelings still don’t change, that’s when you can be very confident God isn’t leading you into a relationship with this person. God will never force you to marry someone you don’t want to marry. Again, marriage itself is an option for those who want it. If you don’t want to be married, the Bible clearly states it’s better to remain single (1 Corinthians 7:36-38).

Thus, we can apply that to specific questions we have about certain people. If God wouldn’t force you into marriage generally, it’s clear that God would never force you to marry someone specifically if you didn’t want to.

2. When You Feel Confused About Someone Even Though You’ve Sought Clarity for a Long Time, This Is a Strong Sign God Isn’t Leading You Two Together

While God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), that doesn’t mean he will always instantly remove a Christian’s confusion. Rather, God will use the confusion we have to lead us into clarity.

Think of Peter when he was confused about the vision he received in Acts 10 and about what to do with Gentile believers. God didn’t cause Peter’s confusion, but he also didn’t instantly erase it. Rather, God helped Peter go through a process to find the clarity he needed.

When God is leading a situation, the confusion will not remain. The Spirit always brings order, not chaos. Thus, it’s not right to say that if you’re confused about someone, that this means they are definitely not your future spouse. But it is biblical to say that if your confusion remains, that is a strong sign God is not in this.

A lack of clarity is a form of clarity. If you pray and do your best to find clarity about someone, but nothing happens to erase your confusion, the most biblical interpretation of that experience is that God is not leading you and that person together.

3. If You Have a False Peace About This Person, That’s a Strong Sign God Is Saying They’re Not The One for You

The reason I didn’t say a lack of peace is a sign someone is not the one is that most Christians know this. In other words, they know that peace is a great sign you are in God’s will. However, because we know this, we often force ourselves to believe we have peace about a situation even though we don’t. I would call this a false peace.

So what does a false peace look like? A false peace is forced. It’s similar to blind faith. While God wants Christians to have faith, he doesn’t expect us to have blind faith, which is where there is a total absence of evidence. While God isn’t going to give us absolute proof so we don’t need faith, he is going to give us evidence that supports our choice to have faith.

For example, while we can’t see God right now, his creation is strong evidence that a Creator obviously exists (Romans 1:20). While we didn’t witness the resurrected Christ, we do have strong historical records that support his resurrection actually happening (1 Corinthians 15:3-8). So while we do need to have faith as Christians, we are not called to have blind faith.

In a similar way, false peace is when we are choosing to be at peace even though all the evidence is warning us about dangers ahead. While Christians are called to seek peace in the Lord, we are not called to ignore God’s warnings and choose peace even when we are headed down destructive paths.

So if you are choosing to be at peace about someone who is toxic, uninterested, not godly, or not treating you in a way that aligns with God’s best, that’s a sign of false peace. And if you have false peace about someone, that is a sign they are not right for you.

4. When You Still Feel Like There’s Someone Better Out There for You, That’s a Strong Sign God Is Not Leading You to Marry This Person

I’m not advocating that we rank people as better or worse. However, I do think you have to admit that some people would be better or worse for you specifically. One sign that will be present when you meet the person God wants for you is that you will be able to honestly say to yourself, “There’s no one better out there for me.”

If you still can’t say that about someone, you should not assume they are the one for you (Song of Solomon 2:2-3, Proverbs 31:29).

Here’s a related article called 5 Feelings You Will Have When You Meet the Person God Wants You to Marry.