Does God want you in a relationship with that person? Will you two end up together? Should you at least give this person a chance?
Here are 3 signs that usually mean God is giving you a definite no about someone.
1. God Is Saying “Definitely No” About Someone If You Know for Certain You Would Never Want to Marry Them
To some of you, this point might seem so painfully obvious that it’s pointless to even mention. However, there are many other people wondering, “Would God make me marry someone I don’t love or am not attracted to?”
According to the Bible, marriage is a biblical option for those who desire it (1 Corinthians 7:36-38). It’s not a command to all Christians. Thus, it would be biblically inconsistent to say that God would make you marry an individual you don’t want to marry if the Bible clearly states God doesn’t even want you to get married in general if you don’t want to get married.
Knowing you don’t want to marry someone, however, is also important because there are others who think it’s okay to date without being marriage-focused. I believe this is unwise. While I don’t believe you need to know you want to marry someone before choosing to date them (that’s the point of dating, to figure that out), I do believe you should never date someone you already know you would never marry. And if you are dating someone and you realize you will never marry them, I believe you should immediately break up.
Why do I believe this? Because dating someone you know you will never marry can only produce bad fruit. It will expose you to unnecessary sexual temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18), it will keep you away from dating the right person you will marry (Ephesians 5:16), and it is unkind because you are wasting the other person’s time (Philippians 2:4).
For these reasons, if you already know you would never want to marry someone, I believe God is saying “Definitely no” about them.
2. God Is Saying “Definitely No” About Someone If You Two Have Already Sinned Together and No Repentance Has Ever Taken Place
While it’s not common, I don’t believe it’s impossible for a man and woman to break up, get back together, and then have a healthy relationship that progresses into marriage.
However, in most cases, getting back together with an ex, or trying to rekindle with someone that fizzled out on you in the past, usually ends in the same way it ended last time. The only time I believe it’s wise to give a relationship another try is when something dramatic has changed in the equation. If you two are generally the same people you were before, it’s really unlikely trying again would be fruitful.
Now, when it comes to God saying “definitely no,” I would apply the principle just stated but then add in the variable of “if sin has occurred.” It’s one thing to try to reconnect with someone where miscommunication or some other variable separated you two. But if sin occurred, like sexual sin or sins committed in anger that broke you up, and if no repentance has taken place, I believe this is a clear no from God.
To be clear, if a couple sins and repents, God can work with that. We all sin, thus no couple will be perfect. But to get back into a relationship that caused you to turn from God and where no variables are different – that is backsliding and walking in darkness. While Christians do sin, true Christians don’t walk in sin. In other words, true Christians always confess and repent (1 John 1:5-10).
Proverbs 26:11, “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.”
3. God Is Saying “Definitely No” About Someone If You Love Them More Than They Love You
It’s easy to assume God is giving a definite no about someone when you don’t have your own strong feelings for that person. But it can be really hard to hear a clear no about a relationship opportunity when you do have really strong romantic feelings for someone.
Therefore, you must not only be aware of your feelings for them. But you must also eventually come to a clear decision about their feelings for you. If you really like them a lot and feel very strongly God wants you together, but this person’s words and actions are not matching yours, then the most likely reason for this mismatch is that you misheard God.
While that person could change their feelings after getting to know you more, I would say God is probably giving you a definite no if you two already have had time to get to know each other or a lot of time has passed (a year or more) and you two still haven’t romantically connected.
Waiting on something where there’s no evidence it will happen isn’t faith. Rather, oftentimes it’s stubbornness. God hasn’t promised to give us whatever we want. Rather, God has promised to give us the good things he wants to give us (Matthew 6:10, Matthew 7:11)
Related Article: 4 Feelings God Uses to Tell You, “That Person Is Not The One”
