Here are 4 signs the Lord may be saying, “Don’t let that person back into your life.”
1. If They Still Lack the Character to Be Safe to Be Around, God Is Saying, “Don’t Let that Person Back Into Your Life
Forgiveness is a command (Matthew 18:21-22). Forgiveness is when we no longer make someone pay for the wrongs they did to us because we allow Jesus’ sacrifice to pay their debt. However, many people wrongly believe that this means we must treat those people exactly the same way as before they wronged us.
Nowhere in the Bible does forgiveness require us to pretend the past never happened. If someone stole, you must forgive them. But only a fool would then put them in charge of the treasury. If a pastor cheated on his wife, he must be forgiven. But that doesn’t mean he should be restored to the pulpit. If a woman lied about her resume, she must be forgiven. But that doesn’t mean she should get her position back.
Scripture routinely commands us to avoid certain people (Titus 3:10, 1 Corinthians 15:33, Romans 16:17, 2 Timothy 3:5, 2 John 1:10, 2 Thessalonians 3:10). However, in each of these biblical instances, there are specific facts about these people that must be there before we choose to avoid them.
If someone wronged you and you forgive them, that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to pretend like they don’t have bad character that makes them unfit to be in your life.
2. If It Would Be Unbiblical to Reconcile, God Is Saying, “Don’t Let that Person Back Into Your Life
As we discussed, forgiveness is a command (Matthew 18:21-22). But we must also remember that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is when we no longer want revenge and we release the hate in our hearts towards that person. Reconciliation goes a step further and it seeks to restore the relationship to what it was before the offense took place.
It’s always biblical to forgive. But believe it or not, it’s not always biblical to reconcile. For example, when someone has not repented and thus is still in need of biblical discipline, it’s wrong to reconcile prematurely. Not only is it wrong, but it’s unloving. You are making it harder for them to repent by sparing them of the pain they need so they can feel the distance their sin is causing between them and God (1 Corinthians 5:9-13).
Additionally, in Matthew 18:15-20, we’re given a three-step process towards reconciliation. If someone exhausts the steps, it doesn’t mean you reconcile anyway. While they are in rebellion, we are to treat them as unbelievers. In other words, while we can still witness to and love them, we are not supposed to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), and thus we should not be reconciled and reunited while they are still living in sin.
And as I mentioned in point 1, there are some sins that will always be evidence that someone is unfit to be in our lives. For example, there are crimes and forms of abuse that would make it right to never allow someone back into your life.
3. If You’ve Let Them Back Into Your Life Already and Had to Remove Them Again, God Is Probably Saying, “Don’t Let that Person Back Into Your Life”
There are people who are just a bad mix. Whenever they get together, they can’t help but fight. Or there are exes who are in a nasty cycle of getting back together but then breaking up again after more toxic things happen (Proverbs 26:11). And sometimes people both have good intentions, but they have such different worldviews that pursuing those goals together becomes too difficult.
The point is, God doesn’t call us to endlessly spend time with people that we have constant friction with. Romans 12:18, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” We should do everything in our power to live at peace with people. But eventually, the only way to be at peace with some people is to not be around them. The phrase “if possible” was given for a reason, because sometimes peace really isn’t possible when you’re around someone.
We shouldn’t use this verse as an excuse to just cut people off that we don’t like. But we also can’t be afraid to admit the reality that this verse highlights. If you’re cutting a lot of people off, that’s probably “a you problem.” However, no matter who you are, you will eventually find some people you just can’t do life with.
4. If You’re Both Better Off Without Each Other, God Is Saying, “Don’t Let that Person Back Into Your Life”
When in doubt, always come back to love. While it might be hard for some people to accept, the truth is, sometimes the most loving thing two people can do for each other is to keep their distance.
Whether distance will allow healing to occur so reconciliation can happen, or whether it’s never going to be possible to let someone back into your life, the best way to answer those questions is to look at the fruit.
When the fruit is bad, it’s not of God. When the fruit is good, you know that Jesus is in it (John 15:1-8).
