4 Questions Men Ask When They’re Truly Serious About Dating You

Before a guy fully decides if he should pursue a woman and try to date her, he will ask her these 4 questions.

Also, I’m speaking about godly Christian men looking for a wife, not worldly guys who are looking for a girlfriend.

Lastly, I’m not saying he will ask you these questions verbatim. He knows that would be too direct and would probably scare you off. Rather, I’m saying that as he has conversations with you, these are the internal questions he’s seeking to find answers to.

1. Is Your Walk with Jesus Similar Enough to His?

The most important thing to a godly man is his relationship with Jesus Christ. While he will seek to be respectful of all Christians, no matter how different they are from him, he knows that to keep thriving in his walk with God, he can’t pair up with a woman who has a radically different way of connecting with God from his.

For example, if he is a Reformed Baptist and you are a Charismatic, while you both love Jesus with all your heart, the way you express that love and seek to connect with God is radically different. Since he wants to lead his future wife spiritually (Ephesians 5:22-25), he knows he needs to find a woman who would want to be led by a man like him.

Likewise, serious Christian men are obviously thinking about the future. They know there’s no point in dating a woman that they can’t marry. So while you two might be able to have fun in dating, he will be thinking about distant things like parenting. If your walk with Jesus is very different from his, he will know that raising a family together would be very hard. He’s looking for his partner (Genesis 2:18), and to be partners, there needs to be shared beliefs.

If a man is interested in your spiritual beliefs and way of connecting with God, and he seems to have a lot in common with you in that area, that’s a good sign he’s serious about you.

2. Would You Enjoy the Kind of Life He Wants to Create with a Woman?

Where are you headed in life? What goals do you have for the next two or three years? Are you planning to settle down here, or do you want to move one day?

While a man will ask you these things just to get to know you, these are also crucial questions he needs answers to before deciding if he will seriously pursue you or not. Most men won’t fall in love and then change their lives to be with a certain woman. Rather, most men fall in love with a certain woman because she naturally fits into the life he wants to build.

So if he’s looking for a wife and wants her to be the mother of his children in the next 5 years or so, but a woman is going to med school and has no idea where she will be living within the next 5 to 10 years, that is going to be a hard pill to swallow for that guy. However, if the guy is in med school too, or he’s in a season of life that aligns well with her career goals, he might see a much more natural fit with her.

Remember, before God gave Adam a wife, he first gave him a plan, a purpose, and direction in life (Genesis 2:15-19). While a man will adapt and compromise his plan somewhat to be with a woman he loves, he will simply not choose to fall in love in the first place if it’s clear he and this woman are going in two completely opposite directions in life.

3. What Are Your Relationships Like with Other Men?

First, when a man is serious about a woman, he will try to find out if she’s serious about another guy. Are you dating someone, do you like someone else, or did you just get out of a serious relationship that you’re not over yet?

Once he figures out if you’re eligible, he’ll then be watching how you interact with other single men. Are you giving a lot of attention to guys? Are you going on dates with anyone who asks? Are you flirtatious?

One reason he’ll try to find answers to these questions is to know how much time he has to pursue you. If you’re actively dating, he might not want to miss his chance. However, the other reason he’ll want to answer these questions is to know how you might treat him once you two become a couple. If you are very flirtatious with a lot of guys, it will make him fear that you won’t have good boundaries once you two become a couple.

One of the primary characteristics a man is looking for in a wife is loyalty. If there’s any doubt that you want to be a one-man woman, he will not be interested.

Lastly, he’ll be asking these types of questions because he will use your interactions with other men as a baseline for reading your interactions with him (Ruth 3:9-10). If you’re showing him more attention than you do to other guys, he will conclude you may like him too. Which leads us to point 4.

4. Would You Give Him a Chance if He Did Pursue You?

While it is the man’s job to pursue and risk rejection, many women forget how hard this is on a man. Thus, women should not expect a man to risk open rejection when they have not given that guy any reason to believe he would succeed in his pursuit.

Remember, the command to guard your heart applies to men too (Proverbs 4:23). To guard their own hearts, godly men will try not to get too excited about a woman before it’s clear he has a chance with her.

So while a serious man will be trying to figure out if he likes you, the last question he’ll need answered before pursuing you is, “Does she like me too?” You don’t need to answer that question with 100% clarity. He needs to take a risk and pursue you without knowing the complete answer to that question.

But he does need some positive signs from you before he knows he wants to pursue a serious dating relationship with you.

How can you be inviting without pursuing him? Here’s a playlist of past videos I’ve done on that exact question: How to Invite a Man to Pursue You