5 Things God Is Saying If You’ve Given Up the Hope of Ever Getting Married

Did you just go through something that has made you want to give up on relationships? Are you tired of opening your heart to people only to have them misuse you and leave?

If so, here are 5 biblical things God wants you to do if you’ve given up the hope of ever getting married.

And if you are someone who knows they actually do want to get married one day but you are just wounded and going through something hard right now, AGW University might be a good fit for you. I’m currently offering a scholarship and email coaching.

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1. If You’ve Given Up the Hope of Ever Getting Married, God Is Telling You to Put All of Your Hope in Him

Hoping to be married one day is good. If you want to be married, that desire comes from God (1 Corinthians 7:7). However, putting your hope “in” marriage is different than hoping you will get married one day.

Sometimes we get so depressed and defeated when a relationship does not work out because we were putting our hope “in” that desire rather than having a healthy hope “for” that desire. As Jonah 2:8 says, “Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love.” A healthy, alive heart will have good desires for things. But a healthy, alive heart will only be sustained through putting all of its hope “in” God.

As the Lord said in Isaiah 49:23 (NIV), “. . . those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Therefore, the root to your sadness might not be your lack of marriage. Rather, it might be that your heart is craving more of God. Marriage will never fill you. Only Jesus can do that.

2. If You’ve Given Up the Hope of Ever Getting Married, God Wants You to Evaluate Your Motives for Singleness to Make Sure They Are Biblical

Some people really are called to singleness. Sometimes a person will “give up the hope of getting married” not because they are sad and lonely but rather because they feel they are not meant to be married, which could be true.

If you feel like you fall into that camp, the key is to make sure your motives are biblical. In other words, while some will be called to singleness, that call from God will be marked by certain biblical indicators, such as: a desire to serve God in singleness rather than marriage, a lack of a desire for sex, and a happiness with singleness rather than a disappointment (Read 1 Corinthians 7 for more on this).

In many cases, people think God wants them single but really it’s just their own wounded heart speaking. Choosing singleness because you are afraid of getting hurt again, choosing singleness because you can’t have the one person you think you want, choosing singleness because you are addicted to sexual sin and feel like you don’t need a spouse – these are not biblical motives for singleness.

All that to say, if you truly feel like God is calling you to singleness, your desire for singleness will not be linked to past relationship issues. If you want to be single because of a relationship hurt or disappointment, God wants to heal you.

3. If You’ve Given Up the Hope of Ever Getting Married, God Wants You to Bring Your Specific Relationship Issue to Him Rather Than Generalizing and Projecting

If you’ve given up the hope of getting married because you just broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend, or because you just realized you will never get to be with that person you really felt was the one for you, or because you are tired of getting rejected over and over again anytime you try to meet someone – these are not reasons to give up the hope for marriage.

Rather than generalize your feelings, God wants you to bring the specific issue to him that is triggering this general feeling. Come to him with your specific hurts. Name names to God. Outline the patterns in your life that you hope God will change.

If you don’t do this, you will always be projecting past hurts onto people who have nothing to do with your feelings. All women or all men are not the issue. The specific women or men you have been hurt by are the issue. Bring the specifics to God.

As 1 Peter 5:7 instructs, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

4. If You’ve Given Up the Hope of Ever Getting Married, God Wants You to Choose the Way of Love and Not Self-Preservation

When the Bible talks about love, it certainly is talking about a bigger love that goes beyond romance. However, for those who have been called to marriage, loving their spouse in marriage is a part of this general call to love.

Sometimes we give up the hope of getting married because we want to protect ourselves. In the end, however, this only leads to more pain. Yes, guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23) and don’t needlessly get hurt by people who wish harm on you. But to cut yourself off from the possibility of loving a spouse and loving the future children God may produce through your future marriage – this will cause much more pain.

As 1 Corinthians 13:3 states, “If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

5. If You’ve Given Up the Hope of Ever Getting Married, God Wants You to Keep Your Heart Open to His Leading and Healing

The initial sting of a relationship hurt can be very sharp and painful. In these moments of emotional agony, try to step outside of yourself and know that “this too shall pass.”

When you feel you could never love again, trust the Lord. In his timing, he will give you the desires of your heart, even if you have lost sight of what those desires even are.

As Psalm 37:3-4 promises, “Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

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