This One Biblical Truth Will Bring Peace to Your Marriage

Why is marriage so hard? Why do some couples seem to have no problems, while other couples can’t stop fighting? What does the Bible say about creating a joyful marriage?

In this article, I’m going to share 1 core biblical truth that is essential for long-term marital peace and happiness. To be clear, this is not the only biblical truth that is needed for spouses to enjoy each other as God intended. But I do believe this truth must be at the foundation of all other marriage advice for it to be effective.

So what is this truth that can bring peace to your marriage?

To Have a Happy Marriage, You Must First Accept that Your Spouse Can’t Make You Happy

“But Mark, in Genesis 2:18, God said that it was not good for man to be alone. How can you say that a spouse can’t make you happy? Didn’t God create Adam to need Eve and Eve to need Adam?”

It’s true, God did make marriage a blessing for humans. Thus, in a way, of course, your spouse should bring you happiness (Proverbs 18:22). But notice the context in which Genesis 2:18 is found. When God said it was not good for Adam to be without Eve, this took place when Adam’s relationship with God was whole and healthy. It wasn’t good for Adam to be alone when Adam already had a right relationship with God. He didn’t need Eve to give him something God was meant to give him. He was only free to enjoy Eve because he was already right with God.

In fact, when their relationship with God broke down, that’s when their relationship with each other broke down, too. It was only after Adam ran from God that he started to blame his wife for his problems, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12). And it was only after Eve rebelled against God was her relationship desires for her husband sinfully twisted, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16).

Thus, Adam and Eve could only need each other in a healthy way when they had all of their needs first met in God. Marriage is a blessing. A spouse is a source of joy. But without God in his rightful place, our marriages can’t be happy.

To see this point even more clearly, let’s compare Proverbs 18:22 with Psalm 16:1-3.

• Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
• Psalm 16:1-3, “Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.’ As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.”

Is this a contradiction? In one place, we are told we can have nothing good apart from God. And yet, in another place, we are told that a spouse is a good thing from the Lord. So which is it?

Psalm 16:2 didn’t say God was the only good thing. Rather, it says that apart from God, we can’t have anything good. In other words, without God in his rightful place in our hearts, our hearts will be unable to enjoy the other good things in life. That’s why in the very next verse, Psalm 16:3 then states, “As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight.”

These two verses seem contradictory. But in fact, they are complementary. David is not saying in Psalm 16:2, “God is my only delight,” and then in Psalm 16:3, “The saints are my only delight.”  Rather, in Psalm 16:2, he confesses that God is the core source of his joy, and in Psalm 16:3, he says he is free to enjoy the blessing of the saints. In other words, because his God-needs are met, he’s also free to have his people-needs met.

So Proverbs 18:22 says that we find “a” good thing from the Lord when we have a spouse. But this good thing can only be appreciated and enjoyed when we have first found “the” good thing. Peace in marriage flows when two hearts can say to God, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.”

Thus, if you want a happy marriage, you have to start with the hard truth that your spouse can never make you happy if you are not first happy in Christ. As Augustine said, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”

Thinking your spouse is the solution to your unhappiness is actually the problem. When you let that lie go, when you accept that your spouse was never meant to be the primary source of joy in your life, then you are free to enjoy your spouse for what they can be to you.

Many people stop asking their spouse to make them happy; however, in the process, they turn their backs on their spouse and leave them behind. That’s not the goal here! No, they are your partner. Never leave your partner behind. Marriage is a gift from God, and he intends for us to steward it well. But the joy flows from marriage only when it is not overly inward-focused but rather outward-focused.

I’ve just scratched the surface of this topic. So if you want to keep learning with me, here’s another article that expands on this topic. It’s called 3 Hard Biblical Truths that will Save Your Marriage.

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