Ruth 1:22
“Besides church, where can I meet Christian single men?” This is a question I’ve received a lot from Christian single women who want to be married one day. They want to be inviting, they want a man to pursue them, but they are unsure of where to meet eligible men who love the Lord.
Here are 4 biblical ways a Christian single woman can meet eligible Christian single men besides meeting them at church.
However, before I give you these 4 points, I think we do need to address why women are asking to meet men in places “besides at church” in the first place.
Why Are Women Asking, “Besides at Church, Where I Can Meet a Christian Man?”
From my experience, women lead with that “beside at church” statement because that is the most common answer they get when they ask, “Where can I meet a Christian man?” Additionally, many women then say, “I’ve already tried to meet a man at church and it didn’t work. So where else can I try?” To that, I have a few suggestions:
- I think it is great to try to meet a man at church. However, we also must be careful that we do not think church is only about meeting a man. God has called all Christians to be active in the body of Christ, which means, when possible, we should be actively involved in our local church regardless of the romantic potential at that church (Hebrews 10:25).
- Second, just because something didn’t work in the past does not mean it won’t work in the future. You only need to meet one man who will pursue you into marriage once. So you should expect almost every interaction you have with single men to not result in marriage since this will only happen once.
- Third, and most importantly for this conversation, going to a church to meet a man usually never works. For the millions of women who have met their husband at church, it usually occurs because both of them were deeply involved in that church. Attending and being involved are totally different things. Through serving and building deep friendships with many people at that church, two singles have the opportunity to grow in a much deeper way than merely seeing each other on Sunday morning and then hoping sparks fly.
I say all of this because I still believe church is the best option to meet a godly man. I know many women don’t want to hear that because they feel like they’ve tried this already. And I respect that feeling and I also believe many women will not meet their future husband at church, which is why I’m about to give you 4 other suggestions.
But in some sense, asking to meet a man somewhere “besides church” is like asking, “Besides the kitchen, where can I cook my food?” You can cook anywhere, but the kitchen is always going to be the primary place most people cook. Likewise, you can meet a man anywhere on planet earth. But if you are looking for a Christian man, you will always have the best chance to meet a man at church because true Christians should be involved at church.
With that said, here are 4 other biblical solutions that can help you meet a Christian single man.
1. The Bible Commands Christians to Do Life with Other Christians. Thus, You Will Be Able to Meet Christian Single Men Through Mutual Christian Friends
2 Timothy 2:22, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”
Our Christian walk with the Lord must be personal but it can never be private. You don’t need a lot of Christians in your life, but you do need at least a few close Christian friends or family members if you want to obey what God commands.
Like a living ecosystem, communities are living organism because some people are always leaving and some people are always coming. Friends will always meet new friends through the current friends they have.
Therefore, many Christian singles remain single because their overall Christian community is very small and unhealthy. As a Christian woman, one of the best ways to meet a Christian single man is to increase your relationships with other Christian single women.
The more people you know and interact with, the more new people you will be exposed to through mutual friends.
2. The Bible Commands Us to Use Our Gifts for the Glory of God. Thus, You Will Meet Other Christian Singles By Serving Others
1 Peter 4:10-11, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
You have a gift. I have a gift. Every Christian has been given a gift. And each of our gifts from God are meant to be used to serve other people for the glory of God. As you obey this command, you will naturally meet other people who are also obeying this command.
If you have been asking, “Where are all the Christian men?” you will find them where Christ has commanded all Christians to be – serving others with the gifts he’s given them.
3. God Made People with Varying Interests and Desires for His Glory. Thus, You Will Meet Other Christian Singles By Pursuing Those Things You Enjoy
Genesis 1:26 (NIV), “Then God said, ‘Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’”
This verse doesn’t mean every person needs to be an explorer or someone who has direct interactions with ruling over the animal kingdom. Rather, I believe we are still called to follow this command but we will obey it through enjoying and living in the world God has created.
When a woman plants a garden, when a man shoots a basketball, when a child rides a bike, they are all enjoying the natural laws of existence God has created for us to thrive in.
I say all of this for our context because if you are living an isolated, boring life and not pursuing your passions, you will be far less likely to have a healthy community of people that also enjoy similar things as you. The smaller your network of Christians, both men and women, the less likely you will meet a man who you connect with romantically.
If I love baseball, it would be odd for me to spend my time playing golf. If I wanted to meet other baseball players, it would be unwise for me to go to the chess club. Likewise, if you want to meet a man who enjoys what you enjoy, you need to actually be doing those things you enjoy with other people.
4. God Made All Relationships Dependent on Certain Foundational Principles. Therefore, to Connect with a Man, You Will Always Need to Put in Massive Effort to Build This Relationship
1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Sometimes, when a woman asks, “Besides church, where can I meet a man?” they are secretly hoping there is a silver bullet that will make romance easier. Changing the location, however, is not going to change the effort needed to see results. All relationships always have certain foundation principles that must be met for a connection to occur.
Without talking, without spending time together, and without expressing love in mature ways as outlined in Scripture, biblical romance will never thrive. Whether at church or meeting a man online, it will always take real work and effort to connect with another person.
Sometimes we look at romance with a magical glaze over our eyes. Logically, however, looking for a new boyfriend is like looking for a new best friend. If you don’t talk to people or have any friends, you’re not going to magically get a best friend.
Proverbs 13:11 (NLT), “Wealth from get-rich-quick schemes quickly disappears; wealth from hard work grows over time.” Likewise, when it comes to romantic relationships, if you don’t practice mature love expressed in word and deed with other people, you will never get a new boyfriend.
There is no “get-rich-quick schemes” that make romance easy. Everything worth having in life always requires hard work. Yes, everything good is by God’s grace (James 1:17), but don’t fall for the trap of looking for a magical formula. You can meet a man anywhere. In other words, most women will see better results not by changing where they are looking but by changing how they are interacting with the people they do meet in life.
Wherever you meet him, you are still going to have to put yourself out there, talk to him, spend time with him, and actually build a real relationship that will be time-consuming, messy, and very enjoyable all at once.
