Ruth 3:18
Sometimes a man will pursue you if you just give him more time. However, it’s also possible you are just wasting time because this man is never going to pursue you. So how will you know if you should keep waiting for that guy or if you should move on?
Here are 4 signs God often uses to let you know that you should give a man more time to see if he’s going to pursue you.
1. If There Is a Logical Reason that You Can Verbally Explain to Another Person Without Sounding Crazy, This Is a Good Sign God Does Want You to Give This Man More Time
When Boaz met Ruth, he didn’t instantly pursue her romantically. However, as Ruth talked to Naomi about what was happening with Boaz, Naomi confirmed that there were many good signs that this was a hopeful relationship prospect for Ruth (Ruth 2:19-23). In fact, it was actually Naomi who gave Ruth the plan to actively invite Boaz to pursue her (Ruth 3:1-6).
Sometimes our hopes come crashing down when we are forced to verbalize them out loud to another person. I’m not saying other people are just raining on your parade. I’m saying that at times, we can twist the facts in odd ways in our minds. Only when we are required to articulate the facts to another human can we then see for ourselves how badly we have altered reality to fit what we hope to be true rather than accepting what is true.
If you can explain to a mature Christian friend or family member a rationale reason for why you think it’s wise to wait longer for this man, then this is a good sign you really should wait.
2. If This Man Comes from a Christian Community that Has Emphasized the Need to Be Friends First Before Dating or Courting, God May Lead You to Wait Longer for His Romantic Pursuit
There is not a specific biblical blueprint for Christians to religiously follow as they seek to be married. Additionally, there are not many specific prohibitions in Scripture on how to pursue marriage either. Of course all the moral laws in the Bible must be applied on your romantic journey towards marriage; but it’s unwise to follow a man-made process that is filled with romantic exactitudes with a religious fervor.
In other words, courting is not the only way to pursue marriage if you are a Christian. However, courting is not an unbiblical way to pursue marriage either. So if you are interested in a man who grew up in a Christian community that emphasized courting principles, like having a long friendship before expressing romantic interest, you should let him pursue you in the way that he feels led to pursue you.
If you want him to lead, you have to let him lead in the best way he knows how. Once Ruth expressed interest in Boaz, she then let him pursue her towards marriage in the way that he felt led to (Ruth 3:18).
3. If He’s a Man of His Word and He Said He Does Want to Date You But Just Needs More Time to Get His Own Heart Ready, God May Lead You to Give Him More Time
Generally speaking, I think it’s a red flag (or at least a yellow flag), when a man tells you he likes you but that he is not ready for a relationship. In most instances, a mature man will not reveal his romantic interest in a woman until he is prepared to do something about it. When a man just says he likes you but doesn’t put his money where his mouth is, oftentimes he’s just a player who wants your attention. A godly man will be careful obey Song of Solomon 8:4 (NIV), “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”
However, if a man has shown himself to be a man of his word, then at times I think it is wise to give him more time if he says he will pursue you one day but just not right now:
- Maybe he really does love the Lord, but he just got out of a bad relationship and needs more time to heal.
- Maybe he is struggling with a repetitive sin and wants to make sure he’s not bringing you into a relationship that he’s not prepared to handle.
- Or maybe there is a practical reason, like he’s studying for a license pivotal for his future career success, and knows he just doesn’t have the time to fully dedicate to dating right now.
In a situation like this, I think it’s fine to give him a few extra months. I wouldn’t wait too much more than that though. Eventually a mature man will know he needs to back up his words with actions. If a man truly does want to be with you, he won’t just talk about it. He will do something about it (Proverbs 14:23).
4. If You Have Not Done Anything Yet to Give Him a Reason to Pursue You, God Will Probably Lead You to Give Him More Time
Just as the Bible does not tell a man exactly how to pursue a woman, so too does the Bible give a woman the freedom to be inviting towards the man in the way that she feels led to do. However, just as a man is called to pursue in some way or the other, I do think the Bible also does call the woman to be inviting in some way or the other.
A relationship, by definition, always takes two. That truth will play out in every aspect of the relationship. Whatever one person is required to do, the other person will have an equal responsibility to do something as well. The roles will look different, but both the man and woman are active participants in the relationship.
Whether you are the type of woman who will simply respond positively once the man makes the first move, or you are the type of woman who is willing send proactive signs that encourage the man to pursue, as a godly woman you should seek to be inviting somehow.
If you feel led to only respond positively if he does pursue as a sign you like him, then you should expect to need to wait longer for this man to know for sure whether or not he will ever pursue you. If he’s known you for more than a few months and he’s still not pursued you romantically, my personal opinion is that you should assume he’s not going to pursue you and you should move on.
One benefit, however, to being a little more proactive by sending subtle signs that you want him to pursue you is that you also won’t need to wait as long to figure out if he will ever pursue you. If you send him a sign that you like him, he won’t pursue you if he doesn’t like you and he will pursue you if he does like you.
When Ruth invited Boaz to pursue, she instantly got a response that let her know he was going to pursue her (Ruth 3:11).
Related Article: 5 Ways to Invite a Man to Pursue You
