Here are 5 common signs that often mean Satan is preying on your insecurities as a way of preventing a godly relationship from ever forming in your life.
1. If You Don’t Even Begin Because You Believe You Already Know It Will End Badly, This Is Often a Sign Satan Is Playing on Your Insecurities to Keep You Out of a Godly Relationship
I know some people just zone out anytime a sports analogy is used, so I’ll keep this short. There’s a saying among athletes that I believe has some real value for life in general. It says, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” It’s important for athletes to realize this because many of them fear missing. But if your fear of missing the shot causes you to never shoot, it’s literally impossible for you to score. Yes, you will miss some shots you shoot. But you will miss all the shots you never shoot. So when it comes to relationships, what I’m trying to say is sometime you just need to shoot your shot.
Our natural inclination is to play it safe. This isn’t all bad. The desire to stay safe causes us to avoid making some really unwise choices that could have been easily avoided. But when this natural desire to be safe combines with an unhealthy insecurity about oneself, this combination wreaks havoc on your love life.
When you have a low view of yourself, you automatically assume you will fail at anything you try. Therefore, since your natural desire is be safe, you never try anything because your low view of yourself makes you believe you will always fail no matter what you try.
Satan wants you to look at a good relationship opportunity and then assume you know the distant future. But you don’t. None of us do. All we know is the past and present. When you assume the worst about the future, you are projecting past hurts into your present opportunities, thus guaranteeing a bleak future.
Proverbs 27:1 states, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.” While this verse is often used as a warning about boasting about future successes, it can also be used to warn against acting like you know tomorrow holds future losses.
Don’t assume you know what will happen tomorrow. Follow God now and trust him rather than always doubting yourself.
2. If You Are Always Pursuing People Who Have a High Worldly Status, This Could Be a Sign Satan Is Playing on Your Insecurities to Keep You Single
One reason idolatry is so common among all humans is because deep within all of our hearts is a longing for a savior. We all know life is not what it was supposed to be, but we often then wrongly assume that if we could just find the right person to love us, everything would be better.
In a way, this idea isn’t wrong – it’s just wrongly applied. When you are found by Jesus and you realize his love for you is the love you have been craving your whole life, you then realize he is the savior your heart has been searching for. But when Jesus is not filling that place in your heart, you will look for this savior out in the world.
This is especially tempting when you have a lot of insecurities. When you see someone who the world looks up to, you will say, “If I could be with that person, I would feel better about myself.” So if you are a man who is insecure about himself, you may try to only date women who have that look the world idolizes and thus puts on magazines and billboards. Or if you are woman who is insecure about herself, you may only be attracted to those guys who are successful in the worldliest type of way.
But when you chase after these types of people who just have worldly status but lack godly character, it never turns out well. You will either always get rejected because you don’t have enough worldly status yourself for them, or you will get their attention but since the relationship is built on worldliness and not godliness, it will always fail anyways.
Satan knows that the best way to keep you from the one God wants you with is to keep you chasing after the worldly ones God does not want you with. As James 4:3-4 teaches us:
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”
3. If You Keep Getting Attached to Narcissists or People with a Savior Complex, This Could Be a Sign Satan Is Playing on Your Insecurities to Keep You Single
A person with a “savior complex” is someone who feels like they are destined to be a mini-messiah wherever they go. They are the ones who feel they always know best for everyone else and that people will only succeed in life by listening to them. These types of people are often very narcissistic as well.
People with these arrogant, controlling, and self-absorbed personality traits are not attracted to all people. They gravitate towards people that they feel will feed their unhealthy needs. If you have a low view of yourself and you have lots of insecurities, you need to be very careful when someone starts pursuing you hard because they could be a narcissist who feels like you are an easy target because of your low self-esteem.
While it can be a relief at first to have someone who takes charge and tells you what to do if you are someone who struggles to make decisions or struggles to know what to do in a relationship, in the end this always turns really toxic – which is exactly what Satan wants for you.
Do what Colossians 3:12 states and look for someone who is also doing the same, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience . . . .”
4. If You Consistently End Relationships Too Soon Because You Always Assume the Other Person Is About to Leave You Anyways, This Is a Good Sign Satan Is Playing on Your Insecurities to Keep You Single
The fear of being rejected and the fear of being cheated on are two of the most common fears I hear Christian singles mention when it comes to relationships. Like any other fear, these types of worries worsen when combined with personal insecurities about oneself.
One bad solution many people use to deal with these fears is to just leave before the other person leaves. While this might spare you a little pain by leaving first before someone can leave you, in the end you are the one causing yourself the most pain by never allowing a relationship to progress far enough to actually see what might happen between you two.
Eventually you have to stick around long enough to see if you and this person can progress into something more serious. If you always bail before things get serious, things can never get serious.
One key to overcoming the fear of abandonment is to remember that God himself will never abandon you. As Hebrews 13:5-6 states, “‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’”
When you know God will not forsake you, you will lose the fear of a person forsaking you.
5. If Your Insecurities Are Tempting You to Act Differently Around People You Like, This Is a Sign Satan Is Playing on Your Insecurities to Keep You Single
If you never show people who you really are, no one can come to love you for who you really are. Satan knows this, so to keep you out of a godly relationship, he will tempt you to act differently around those you are romantically interested in.
As Christians, our goal should be to live consistent lives – living the same way no matter where we are or who we are around. By living consistently around people you are not romantically interested and around people you are romantically interested in, you will simplify your life and give yourself the best chance to develop authentic connections.
The main way to live consistently is to always live for Christ and not for the approval of people. As Galatians 1:10 explains, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Why do you fear the person you like? I answer that question in this article, 4 Reasons You Fear the Person You Have Feelings For.