4 Reasons Men Don’t Pursue Women Anymore (and What You Can Do About It!)

In this article, we will review a woman’s TikTok where she asks, “Why don’t men pursue anymore?”

As I began unpacking her question, I found myself coming up with answers that started with, “Men don’t pursue anymore because . . .”. But then I realized that I’m trying to answer a question with a false premise.

In other words, I can’t answer the question “Why don’t men pursue anymore?” because some men still do pursue. So perhaps a better question is, “Why don’t some men pursue some women?”

By reviewing this woman’s video and applying the Scriptures, I believe we can see at least 4 answers to why some men don’t pursue some women.

Point 1: Men Don’t Pursue Women Who Want Sameness in the Relationship Roles

Many men feel that society has put them in a lose-lose situation.

On one hand, men have been told that they should treat women just like they treat men. However, when they do this, women also complain about things like what this TikTok video is about, “Why don’t men pursue anymore?” Many guys don’t pursue anymore because they have been told there’s no difference between men and women. If that’s true, why should they be the ones to pursue?

On the other hand, some men do try to treat women differently than they treat men. They will hold the door, give up their seat so a woman can sit there, and expect to pay for the first date. However, while these men know it would be right for them to pursue, they are also given pushback by society for treating women like women. They are accused of being sexist.

The point is, one reason so many guys have stopped pursuing women is because many women want it both ways. They want to be treated like a man in many ways, but then they want to also be pursued like a lady. It just doesn’t work like that. You can’t expect men to switch back and forth between modern values and traditional values.

And to be clear, this is men’s fault. As men, we shouldn’t give in to cultural pressures. It doesn’t matter if a bunch of worldly women are pressuring us to forsake our values. We should never have done that. We need to lead, even when the women don’t want to follow. So we can’t blame women for the way we are. But we also can’t keep letting women twist us up and confuse our identities.

All that to say, if a woman wants a man to pursue, she must look for a man with traditional values. However, a man with traditional values is going to be looking for a woman with traditional values too.

Thus, some women are not pursued by some men because those women don’t have the values these men want in a woman.

Whether you are a man or a woman watching this, reject culture and embrace God’s design for the relationship roles. Colossians 3:18-19, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

Point 2: Men Don’t Pursue Women Who Don’t Invite Pursuit

I really disagree with what this woman is saying about a relationship only working when the man likes the woman more than she likes him. I think that mentality is one reason a man will not pursue a woman.

I think a man should do more proactive things to make the relationship a reality. But if he senses that he likes the woman more than she likes him, that will push him away. No human wants to be in a relationship that is not equally wanted.

In fact, for a man to keep pursuing a woman, he eventually needs to feel an equal amount of female invitation to his male initiation. Yes, the man should pursue, but the woman must respond for the man to keep pursuing. If she doesn’t let him know she’s equally interested, he will assume she’s not interested or that she is entitled. Either way, he will back off.

Biblical romance occurs when we apply biblical truth in the context of romance. Notice what Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” This is verse for all Christians; however, to apply it to romance, we would say that both the man and the woman should be trying to think of how the other person is feeling.

If a woman is only thinking about how the man is making her feel and not about how she is making him feel, she will not get pursued.

Point 3: Men Don’t Pursue Women with Romanticized Idealism

She tells us a story of how her mom rejected her dad at first and how her uncle was super persistent. I agree that some women will say no at first as a way of testing if a man is serious about her.

However, there are a lot of women will counter my last sentence with, “No means no!”

Additionally, I believe there are a lot of details this woman is missing when talking about how her mom and dad met. While the mom may have rejected his first invitation to dance, she obviously did something to allow this man access to keep pursuing her. There’s a way a woman can be guarded but still let a guy know he has a chance if he will be persistent. But if a woman thinks she can straight up reject a guy in a harsh way or express a very unapproachable vibe around her and still be pursued, she is mistaken.

Big picture, relationships that work make logical sense. Somehow, someway, a guy and woman become a couple when both of them are sending signs to the other that they want to be together. If you want a man to pursue you, you have to somehow express an openness to him. Even if you reject his initial pursuit because he might be coming on too strong, you have to keep the door open if you want him to keep trying. Bare minimum, you have to talk to him when he talks to you. If you don’t engage in conversation with a guy, he will assume you don’t want anything to do with him and he will leave you alone.

Song of Solomon 1:2, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!” The man must pursue her, but for the dance to work, the woman has to participate and want to be danced with.

Point 4: Men Won’t Pursue Women Who Have a Negative View of Men

This woman’s belief that “men don’t care anymore” and that “men don’t pursue anymore” will subtly project a negative energy and keep good men away from her who do want to pursue a woman. It’s always a bad idea to view the world through this lens that “all men are like this” or that “all women are like that.”

Yes, some men don’t pursue anymore and some men don’t care anymore. But there are definitely still traditional men out there who will pursue a woman. However, if a woman views them negatively, they will sense this odd negativity from a woman they don’t even know and just stay away.

So one key if you want to be pursued is to root out any false beliefs you have picked up about “men.” Let your bad experiences with specific men stay with those specific men. Don’t project onto other men who haven’t shown you anything for you to judge them by. Whatever is in your heart, it will get expressed one way or the other (Luke 6:45).

When you believe there are still good men out there who will pursue, when you meet a guy like this, he will feel your respect and admiration for him, which will invite him to actually pursue you.

Do you know how to invite a man to pursue you? If not, you will want to read this article, 5 Ways to Invite a Man’s Pursuit