If a Woman Seems Interested, Always Do This First

If you’re a Christian man and you believe a woman may be interested in you, what should you actually do? Should you wait for her to make the first move? Should you immediately pursue her? Or will that come off as desperate? Will you scare her away if you act too soon or miss your chance if you wait too long? Should you just “let things happen naturally” or be more proactive?

The Bible does not give us a step-by-step dating formula for every situation, but it does give us principles that can guide us in every aspect of life. Therefore, by applying the Scriptures, today we will discuss 4 things a man should always do when he senses a woman may be interested in him.

1. Pray Before Acting

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when a woman seems interested in you is to immediately trust your own instincts.

When the Gibeonites came to deceive the Israelites, Joshua 9:14-15 says, “So the men took some of their provisions, but did not ask counsel from the Lord. And Joshua made peace with them and made a covenant with them to let them live, and the leaders of the congregation swore to them.”

The Israelites were deceived by the Gibeonites because they examined the evidence, used their own judgment, and then made a decision—but they did not ask counsel from the Lord.

God absolutely wants you to use wisdom. You should pay attention to the evidence. You should think about compatibility and her character. You should make decisions and move forward in a logical way. But if you make decisions based only on what you can see and understand in your human capacity, you will eventually make avoidable mistakes (Proverbs 3:5-6).

So when a woman seems interested in you, pray before you act.

2. Be Honest with Yourself About Your Desire for Her

When a woman is acting interested in you, it can be very flattering. But just because you have an opportunity to pursue a woman who would say yes to you doesn’t mean you should pursue her.

Sometimes you’re being led by lust. Sometimes what we call “God putting someone on our heart” is really just our egos wanting more attention from a woman who seems interested. On the other hand, if she seems interested and you think there is genuine potential for godly romance to take place between you two, that’s a great sign.

Therefore, while you should talk to God about this woman, you should also talk to yourself about this women while your in the presence of God. Ask him to give you insight about youru own feelings for her, or your lack of feeling for her. Ask yourself things like:

• Is this desire coming from the Spirit or from my flesh?
• Do I value her character, or am I primarily attracted to her body?
• Do I see potential for something meaningful and long-term, or do I simply want the validation of knowing she likes me?
• Would it be honorable to pursue her, or selfish and nearsighted?

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God . . .”

3. Err on the Side of Doing Too Much Rather Than Too Little

Don’t get me wrong, you should aim at doing the right amount – not too much or too little. But as we all know, that’s not easy to do.

Therefore, when in doubt, because sinful man tends to be passive, I believe it’s usually better to err on the side of doing too much. Doing too much rather than doing too little has some practical advantages too:

• When you don’t do something, you have less evidence to evaluate.
• When you do something proactive, however, it will always call for a response from her.
• Even if she doesn’t respond, that itself is a response. Thus, this gives you much more evidence to study to see what might be happening from her end.

So if you pray and think but you’re still not sure if you should send that text, it’s safer and wiser to send it rather than not send it. Even if you end up feeling like you shouldn’t have sent it, at least you now know rather than sitting there for months wondering if you should have sent it.

Proverbs 14:23, “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.”

A godly man does not need to be reckless, but he also should not be paralyzed by the possibility of making a mistake. When in doubt, I’d rather make a mistake by being too bold rather than too passive.

4. Act Like a Man

When in doubt, ask yourself, “What would a godly man do in this situation?” And then do that.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”

Biblical masculinity is about taking responsibility for your own actions and having the courage to do what is right. If you like her and she is sending clear signals of interest, as a man, you have to accept the risk that will still be involved. God isn’t going to take all the risk because that would erase your chance to act like a strong, godly man.

If you are interested, pursue her respectfully. If you want to know whether she is available, ask. If you want to take her on a date, go for it! And if you are not interested, be honest and do not keep using her attention for your own validation.

And when you are unsure what to do, again, ask yourself: “What would a godly man do in this situation?” A man who follows Christ does not need to be perfect. But he should be willing to be courageous, honest, responsible, and loving.