4 Predictors that a Dating Couple Will Marry and Then Divorce

Sadly, according to statistics, around 43% of all marriages will one day end in a divorce. This is one of the reasons we need to really study the Scriptures to know what makes a healthy relationship.

A lot of the warning signs and red flags are common sense. Couples with communication issues, anger problems, unfaithfulness, substance abuse, bad money habits, etc., are obviously more prone to get divorced one day.

In this article, however, I’m going to highlight 4 less-familiar signs that could signal a couple will get married but then end up divorced.

To be clear, these signs are not guarantees. We’re all a work in progress. Just because we are imperfect before getting married doesn’t mean we can’t grow and change to prevent that negative trait from causing a divorce later on. Nonetheless, without repentance and God’s grace intervening, couples with these traits are often headed towards marriages that will end in divorce.

1. If a Dating Couple Is Acting “Normal,” This Is a Sign They Have a Strong Likelihood of Getting Divorced One Day

We must never forget that the word “normal” does not mean the same thing as the word “right.” Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s right in God’s eyes.

Oddly enough, if you actually have a biblical relationship that will result in a marriage that is healthy, long-lasting, and what you really wanted when you chose to marry that person in the first place, your relationship should look odd to everyone else.

If no one is judging you as a dating couple, you’re doing something wrong. It’s really not possible to live in this sinful world and truly hold to God’s standard and not have people raise their eyebrows at you:

• “What? You’re waiting to have sex until marriage? Why? That’s so stupid!”
• “Dude, you have to get a prenup. Don’t you know women just want your money?”
• “Girl, don’t do all that for him. You’re not his slave. He’s going to always expect you to serve him if you treat him like that?”

Real Christians who are following Jesus will always look like fools to the rest of the world!

• 1 Corinthians 2:14, “The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.”
• 1 Corinthians 3:18-19, “Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God.”
• John 15:18-20 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.’”

Therefore, if a couple looks pretty normal to the world and they are not shining as lights for Christ, there is a strong possibility they will get married and end up getting divorced one day.

2. Couples that Have Over-the-Top Wedding Days Are at a Higher Risk of Getting Divorced

Idolization always leads to demonization. In other words, you can identify how much you idolized someone by how disappointed you are when they finally let you down.

Have you ever noticed the “celebrity cycle” famous people go through? They start out as nobodies; they do something to win over the masses; the media hypes them up and showers them with praise; and then, eventually, they fall. Years prior, the tabloids were idolizing them. Now, the tabloids are demonizing them.

This is always what happens with our idols! They always let us down (Jonah 2:8). When your heart craves Jesus, the one true savior, but you attach your hopes to a false god, for a while you’re under the happy delusion that you’ve finally found what you’re looking for. But when that false god fails you, your hatred is even more intense than your former infatuation (2 Samuel 13:15).

This same pattern plays out in romance, and it can be seen perhaps nowhere more clearly than in the statistics that correlate with big weddings and higher divorce rates. According to a study ChatGPT found for me by economists Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo Mialon, published in Economic Inquiry in 2015, marriage duration was inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.

They surveyed more than 3,000 ever-married Americans and examined wedding/engagement spending in relation to marriage duration, while controlling for various demographic and relationship characteristics. Some of their findings are particularly striking:

• Among women, spending $20,000+ on the wedding was associated with about 3.5 times the divorce hazard of spending $5,000–$10,000.
• Spending $1,000 or less on the wedding was associated with substantially lower divorce hazard.
• Among men, spending $2,000–$4,000 on the engagement ring was associated with about a 1.3× greater divorce hazard compared with spending $500–$2,000.

Obviously we could poke a lot of holes in this research. And correlation isn’t the same thing as causation. But to me, these stats fit perfectly with the spiritual truth that idolization leads to demonization.

When a couple idolizes each other, idolizes marriage, and idolizes the hope that human love can bring, it makes sense that they do ridiculous things to celebrate their wedding. Don’t get me wrong, a wedding day is a big deal. But it’s a big deal because of the vows being made to God, because of the covenant being made, and not because your Hollywood fantasy is finally going to happen.

It’s odd, but the bigger the wedding, the more dramatic the divorce. When a couple is focused on Christ, on the importance of their vows, and celebrating the gift of this new marriage with family and friends, this pleases the Lord. But when a couple tries to fill their emptiness with a worldly wedding, that is a bad sign.

3. Remarriage Is a Strong Predictor of a Future Divorce

Again, as I said in the intro, these signs are not guarantees. There are countless Christians who have remarried and gone on to live full, happy lives in marriage. But again, when we look at the statistics, divorce rates actually go up with every successive marriage a person enters into. According to one AI summary report of a USA Today article:

In the United States, divorce rates increase significantly with each subsequent marriage. While approximately 41% to 43% of first marriages end in divorce, that number climbs to 60% to 67% for second marriages and reaches roughly 73% to 74% for third marriages.”

I think this happens because instead of seeing divorce as a last option for only a few very limited situations as outlined in the Bible, divorce has become a viable solution for almost all marital problems.

It makes sense that our society is going in this direction since we are increasingly turning from God. Remember, God is the one who made marriage. He’s the one who designed it. Thus, the more we reject him and his ways, the less we will be able to function in this godly union.

Jesus said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9). When people don’t care about God, it becomes that much easier to choose divorce.

4. Rushing Into Marriage Is Associated with Divorce

I’m not necessarily talking about literal time. I don’t believe the Bible lays out a specific, ideal timeline for all couples. Common sense and working with thousands of singles have led me to conclude that 6 months to 2 years is a pretty good range for dating. Anything faster and it’s easy to miss red flags. Anything longer and it’s easy to act married and fall into sin. But again, this is merely my opinion.

I think the real variable to consider when deciding how long you should date before getting married is “need.” In other words, date as long as you need to date to find God’s will. If you know you shouldn’t marry someone, you shouldn’t even be dating them. And if you know you should marry someone, then you should get married ASAP. Dating is only useful when you don’t know what God is saying about marriage. (Again, in my opinion, after two years of dating, if you don’t know you want to get married, that’s a strong sign you shouldn’t.)

So when I say a couple “rushed into marriage,” I mean that they got married even though they still had doubts. You can date someone you have doubts about. Through dating, God will provide answers. But never marry someone you have doubts about.

Statistics show that divorce rates actually increase based upon how doubtful someone was that the relationship would last. According to a study done at UCLA, 232 newlywed couples (464 individuals) were followed for four years. They asked the newlyweds whether they had ever been uncertain or hesitant about getting married before the wedding. The results were striking:

Premarital experience	Divorced within 4 years
Women without doubts	8%
Women with doubts	19%
Husbands without doubts	9%
Husbands with doubts	14%

Proverbs 19:2, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”