4 Biblical Reasons Marriage Is So Hard

Here are four biblical reasons marriage is so hard.

1. The Curse

When Adam and Eve turned against God, they also turned against the very power that was meant to unite them together. A part of the curse was not only that our relationship with God was now broken, but also that our relationship with the opposite sex would be marred as well.

Genesis 3:16, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” That little line explains so much. Human history has been defined by it. There has never been a society that has overcome the strife between the sexes. Whether it comes in the form of male oppression or female rebellion, there will never be lasting peace between the masculine and feminine until Christ returns.

And yet, in the meantime, while the world will always be divided because men and women will be divided, in individual homes that come to Christ for redemption, union can take place. Through the gospel, we can repent of our oppression of one another and choose to be one as God first made us (Ephesians 5:33, 1 Peter 3:7).

2. The Human Heart

In Matthew 19:6, Jesus said, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” This was a statement about divorce. However, notice what comes next in Matthew 19:7-8, which states:

They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.’”

Let’s really pay attention to that line, “but from the beginning it was not so.” The phrase “in the beginning” refers to God’s original design before the fall. Only after the human heart was hardened was there even a need to consider the possibility of divorce.

Thus, one of the main reasons marriage is so hard is because the human heart is so hard. When a husband and wife are right with Jesus, and their hearts are tender towards his leading, they will naturally be right with each other too. Our love for God will always overflow into love for other people, including our spouses (Matthew 22:37-40).

Only when our hearts are made right through the gospel can our marriages be right as well.

Ezekiel 36:26-27, “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.”

3. The World

When the Bible talks about the world, it’s not talking about the earth. Rather, it’s talking about all of those people who are not a part of the Universal Church. The world is the collection of sinful people, places, and things that actually form an entity. Like a government that rules a nation, “the world” is fallen man’s system, ultimately led by Satan himself. Ephesians 2:1-3 explains:

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the flesh and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.”

This is why God routinely calls his people to be separate, set apart, holy, and not yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). If you have one foot in the world, if you listen to the advice of unbiblical teachers, or if you desire the sinful expressions of romance that Hollywood pumps out, it will be impossible to have a unified marriage.

Only when you reject the world and come back to God’s original design for men and women through being transformed by the gospel can you experience unity in marriage.

4. The Devil

As we already read in Ephesians 2:1-3, the world is actually following Satan. It states that the world is “following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience.”

Satan hates marriage because marriage glorifies God. Besides trying to rob people of salvation in Christ, ruining a marriage is one of his top goals. Through broken marriages, Satan creates broken families. And through broken families, Satan creates broken societies. And through broken societies, Satan has created a broken world.

Don’t get me wrong, ultimately humans are responsible for sin. And yet, without being aware of the devil’s schemes, we will fall for his lies and temptations. 1 Peter 5:8-11 states:

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”

Here’s a related article called 6 Ways Satan Gets a Foothold in a Marriage.