Christian singleness can be lonely. You may not feel lonely every moment, every day, or even every week, but most Christian singles really struggle with loneliness.
Singleness
Is God Punishing Me With Singleness?
Is God punishing you with singleness? Is Christian singleness a curse or a blessing?
The Bible answers all questions like these indirectly and directly. What follows is a foundational understanding of what the Bible says about singleness.
The Bible says singleness is a gift, so God is not punishing you with singleness. However, marriage is a gift too. God can withhold marriage not as punishment but as a form of loving discipline to help correct your sinful behavior.
Why You Should Stop “Putting God First to Find a Spouse”
What I’m about to say is going to come off as blasphemous at first. So please read this whole article to get the full context of this statement. If you do, I believe you will better enjoy your Christian singleness and be better situated to find a Christian spouse. Alright, here it goes:
Stop trying to put God first as a way of finding your future spouse.
6 Possible Reasons You’re Not Married
Finding someone to marry seems like a mysterious process. And in some ways it really is. God has a plan for you full of twists and turns, and if you are called to marriage, God knows just how he is going to bring your future husband or wife into your life.
While Christian singles certainly must trust and submit to the sovereignty of God, that doesn’t mean God has not outlined specific actions that will increase your chances of getting married. While finding the one will always have elements of mystery to it, there are always reasons for everything, including why you are not married.
What follows is not an exhaustive list of reasons you’re not married. These are just some of the most common reasons, or roadblocks (depending how you look at), for why many Christian singles are not married.
Idolizing the Past
Sequels are usually not nearly as good as the original film or book in a series. Most sequels fail to live up to the greatness of the original story because they are trying to recreate the magic that happened the first time rather than building on the story. They try to go through the same plot progression as the first story, the characters end getting into the same trouble, and the whole point of the movie is simply to redo the first one under a different title.
Do you know that we can do that in our lives too? It’s good to look back at our past with fond memories. But there are countless dangers that come with idolizing our past.
How to Find a Christian Spouse
There’s been a lot said to Christian singles who desire to find a spouse. “Just pray about it.” “Just serve Jesus and he’ll take care of it.” “Stop desiring to be married and then God will bless you with a Christian spouse.” “Just get on a Christian dating site already and stop talking to me about this all the time!”
When it comes down to it, there seems to be two camps in the “How to find a Christian spouse” advice market. One group says just serve Jesus and it will take care of itself. The other group says God only helps those who help themselves.
So which is it? What’s the best way to find a Christian spouse?
God’s Love Is Enough
If you’re like everyone else who has ever lived on planet earth, you’ve probably experienced some confusion about your life. What am I supposed to do with myself? How can I make more money? When will I meet my spouse? Should we buy this house or not? Why is life so difficult?
What Does the Bible Say About Unmet Expectations?
Expectations and desires are such a beautiful and yet dangerous part of life. To have a dream, let alone seeing it fulfilled, creates a feeling in your heart that is essential for a meaningful life. To have desires is to have a heart that is alive. If you feel nothing, hope for nothing, never have a dream, it probably means you have lost your heart and passion for life. But how do we maintain joy when we have unmet expectations, for as the Bible says in Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Why Pray If God Is Sovereign?
When we begin to learn about God’s sovereignty, the temptation is to turn into the “frozen chosen” who use God’s power as an excuse to be lazy. If God is in total control of everything, why pray at all?
Certainly this is a multi layered question that could be talked about endlessly in the theological classroom. The more pressing concern is when the idea of God’s sovereignty hinders your prayer life in a very negatively practical way. This is not what God wants.
So to answer the question, “Why pray if God is Sovereign?”, perhaps a counter question will help us see the Bible’s answer: “Why would you pray if God wasn’t sovereign?”
Q&A About Singleness
Before I married Bethany and I was still single, I remember having so many questions about singleness. Am I called to singleness? Is being single more holy? How do I know if God wants me to be married or not? Is marriage a command? These questions and more were always lingering in my mind.
I certainly was not alone. Singleness brings many questions to many people. The Bible talks a lot about singleness, but sometime it can be a bit confusing. What follows is a “question and answer” dialogue between me and Alice. The beautiful thing about having an online ministry is that you can connect with people across the entire world. Alice has been enjoying ApplyGodsWord.com from another country and has given me permission to share our online Q&A.