Why would a loving God allow you to feel lonely?
Here are 3 good reasons God is allowing you to feel lonely.
1. The Pain of Loneliness Points You to Problems that Need to Be Solved
Pain is never meaningless. When your hand touches a hot stove, it hurts so you move it away. When your tooth is rotting, it will hurt so you know you need to remove it. When someone speaks disrespectfully to you, your heart will feel pain so you will know something needs to change between you and this person.
Likewise, loneliness is a painful feeling that is meant to point out a deeper issue in our lives. If your hand never felt the pain of a burn, it would melt and be destroyed by the heat. The painful burning feeling is actually good. The placement of your hand on the heat is the issue. Likewise, your feelings of loneliness are actually good because if you never felt lonely, you would never know you are missing something you need.
Your disconnection from God, from others, or some wound in your past is the real issue. There can be many possible reasons for why you feel lonely. But none of them are good. Use the feeling of loneliness to help you rightly identify what is missing in your life.
May we have the mindset expressed in Psalm 119:66-67, “Teach me good judgment and knowledge, for I believe in your commandments. Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word.”
2. God Will Let You Feel Lonely When You Have Not Found the Right Person
While only God can make us feel secure and loved, he does want our human connections to reflect his relationship with his people. Also, I’m not talking to married people in this article. If you feel lonely because you and your spouse are not connecting well, that is something you must work on with your spouse.
But when you are single or dating someone, loneliness can happen because sometimes two hearts just don’t connect. They see the world differently, they communicate in opposite ways, or for whatever reason the man and woman are unwilling to open up more so a deeper connection can be made. When this happens, oftentimes it’s a sign you are with the wrong person.
Why is this good? Because, imagine if you didn’t feel this way now. You may choose to be with this person for much longer, thus prolonging a relationship God does not want you in.
In Isaiah 54, God is talking about bringing Israel back into his favor. But notice the metaphor he uses in Isaiah 54:6 (NLT) to express the pain Israel has felt because of their disobedience, “For the Lord has called you back from your grief— as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband.” To express the pain of the situation, God chose to use an abandoned wife as his metaphor because everyone knows how painful this would be.
My point is, your loneliness and lack of connection around someone in singleness and dating is a sign you should avoid going deeper with this person. The only thing worse than being alone and lonely is being lonely because you are with the wrong person. If you feel lonely around someone in singleness or dating, this is a good sign God is probably leading you to move on.
No human relationship is always ideal. Even good relationships go through seasons of trials and disconnection. But generally speaking, when you meet the right person, you won’t feel lonely around them. You will feel connected, understood, and joyful.
3. God Will Use Your Loneliness to Increase Your Pursuit of the Holy Spirit’s Presence
Imagine how lonely the disciples felt when Jesus was taken away from them. Even in preparation for this brief separation, the sadness was heavy. But Jesus had a purpose for this brief loneliness and pain. He said his going was actually going to be for their benefit. In John 16:4-7 Jesus said:
But now I am going to him who sent me, and none of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ But because I have said these things to you, sorrow has filled your heart. Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.”
In John 14:18, he also said, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” Most Christians are called to marriage, thus most Christians will feel some loneliness in singleness because they have not yet found the one God has for them. But ultimately, every human heart needs a deep, rich connection with Jesus Christ more than anything else. This is why he came to earth and this is why he left earth, so that the Holy Spirit could come and dwell within us.
Earthly pain is an echo of the longing in our hearts for the eternal pleasures we were made for. Your loneliness for a relationship is real. But ultimately it’s a symbol pointing you to the ultimate connection your heart needs with Christ.
Your loneliness is good because when used properly, it will cause you to seek the presence of the Holy Spirit more passionately. And his presence is what we need most. As Psalm 38:10-11, 15 states:
My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me. My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my nearest kin stand far off . . . But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.”
