James 4:1-10
Sometimes we will never fully understand why God allowed a relationship to fall apart. Sometimes it didn’t fall apart because of anything you did or because of something someone else did. There are times where we just need to accept that something was just not God’s will for us.
However, there are times where God allowed a relationship to fall apart as a consequence of our choices or the choices of the person we were in a relationship with.
So here are 4 possible reasons for why God allowed a relationship you once had to fall apart.
1. God May Have Allowed a Relationship to Fall Apart Because Your Desires Were at War Within You
James 4:1-2 states, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”
You can’t be at peace with someone else when you are not first at peace with yourself. What does it mean “that your passions are at war within you?” It means that you have a desire that you cannot satisfy yourself. It means you want something that you cannot obtain yourself.
Wars always happen when two opposing sides want control over the same thing. Whenever there is a division that is not solved, a war will always break out. If you go into a relationship when there is an inner war in your heart or in the heart of the person you are dating, eventually everyone around you will get sucked into that war too. Fights and quarrels among people are ultimately because our individual passions are at war within ourselves.
If you want to be in a successful relationship one day that is full of peace and not war, you first need to get your inner needs met in God so that you are no longer at war within.
2. God May Have Allowed a Relationship to Fall Apart Because Your Prayers Were Focused on Self-Pleasure Rather than God’s Pleasure
James 4:2-3 says, “You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
According to this Bible passage, there are two ways to sabotage your own prayers. 1. You can refuse to ask God for what you want. Or 2. When you ask God, you are motivated by a selfish desire.
Sometimes we don’t ask for the things we want because in pride we believe we can accomplish our desires in our own power. Also, powerful prayers are motivated by a desire to please God above one’s self.
Therefore, if you desire a godly relationship one day, you have to pray to God for this while also having a motive to glorify God through this relationship rather than just asking God to give you what you want for selfish reasons.
3. God May Have Allowed a Relationship to Fall Apart Because He Never Built It to Begin With
James 4:4-5 explains, “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, ‘He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us’?”
If you get into a relationship with a worldly person, this is not God’s doing. So if that relationship then falls apart, it is not logical to then blame God for this. If God did not build the house, you cannot be angry at God when the house falls down. For as Psalm 127:1 states, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.”
4. God May Have Allowed a Relationship to Fall Apart Because “He Gives More Grace” Rather Than Micromanaging Your Every Decision
James 4:6-10 states, “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”
God has the power to do anything, but God only chooses to do what he pleases. Apparently, it does not please God to micromanage humans so that they never make mistakes; otherwise God would be doing this, but since we do make mistake we know he is not. Rather than prevent imperfection from occurring, it please God to give more grace. God allows the problems outlined in James 4:1-5 to occur when we make those bad choices rather than micromanaging us because in James 4:6-10 we are told that God’s grace is enough to solve those issues if we repent back to God.
God’s solution to all of our problems is found in God’s grace. I don’t mean that Jesus died so you could have a perfect life, material blessings, great health, and the relationship you always wanted. I mean that Jesus died and was risen so that we might die to ourselves and be risen to a new life with him (Romans 6:4).
As I said at the beginning, sometimes we don’t know why a relationship fell apart. Sometimes we just need to accept that it was not God’s will for us to be in that relationship. But even when we did do something that caused a relationship to fall a part or someone did something to us that caused it to all fall apart, God’s grace is still more than enough for us.
This broken relationship may never be restored, but God’s grace is always powerful enough to put back the pieces of a broken heart.