When you blame everything on a problem that is outside of your control, it makes you feel released from trying anymore.
If you are someone who says things like, “There are no traditional women left,” you have defeated yourself in your own mind already. You now feel free to sit there and complain about being single rather than doing anything about it.
The truth is, there are traditional women left. But you aren’t going to find them by complaining with other lonely men online who also like to make excuses for why they don’t have what they want.
What do I mean by the term, “a traditional woman?” I’m referring to Christian women who holds biblical values, particularly when it comes to the roles of men and women. Traditional Christian women value the role of husband and wife as separate functions that work best together. Likewise, they see being a father and mother as two different jobs that need one another. Traditional women want a man who will love, lead, protect, and provide for them while they gladly respect, submit, support, and partner with the man.
Are these women rare these days? Yes. But they are no rarer than traditional men are. The challenge to find a traditional woman is just as great for women looking for a traditional man. While I’ll be focusing on helping men find a traditional woman, these 4 points could also be applied to help women looking for a traditional man.
1. Focus on the Universal Church, Not Just the Local Church
Any Christian who desires to be in a relationship knows that church is a great place to meet someone. However, many people complain and say things like, “My church doesn’t have any singles,” or “I visited a big church one Sunday and tried to meet someone, but it didn’t work,” or, “There are no good churches in my area.”
These statements may be true for you, but don’t use these as excuses to give up. One thing that can help you is to change your perspective on what the phrase “the church” even means. Biblically there are two ways you can use this phrase. First there is your local church. Christians are commanded to be a part of the local Christian community in their area (Hebrews 10:25). Next, there is the universal church, which is the whole body of Christ. This includes all the Christians, including Christians in other parts of the world.
Start looking for a traditional woman in your local church. If that doesn’t work, expand your search to the universal church. My wife was living in North Carolina, I was living in Ohio, but we met in Liberia while serving on a mission’s trip. I know other couples who have met people on the mission field and they were from other countries.
The mission field is just one example of how you can meet Christians in the Universal Church. Think outside the box. The main thing is that you live an active life alongside other Christians rather than sitting by yourself all day complaining about being single.
2. Break Out of Liberal Urban Areas and Spend Time in Other Communities
Like Lot living near Sodom and Gomorrah (2 Peter 2:6-8), when you live in a city, it can feel like everyone is godless. But the fact is, many people still hold traditional values. They are just not represented well in the media and in big cities, thus it makes you feel like you are alone when you are a traditional man living in a big city and you spend a lot of time consuming what the media is pumping out.
Breakout of the urban jungle you are in and spend time in other communities. Rural areas, for example, tend to have a higher concentration of people who have traditional values.
3. Start Young and Focus on Building Connections with Traditional Families, Not Just Random Individual Women
If you hop on the hottest dating app and start looking for a traditional woman, good luck. My bet is that your efforts will be wasted.
While this advice might sting if you are already a bit older, I feel obligated to say this for those of you who are still on the younger side (late teens and early 20s): Start looking for a wife when you are younger and build relationships with traditional families.
You have a much better chance of marrying a godly traditional woman if you are a part of a community that has traditional values. Fathers and mothers are the core variable in what produces traditionally minded people (Proverbs 22:6). Of course an individual can be saved through the gospel and have their eyes opened to traditional values even if they come from a godless household.
Nonetheless, all too often in our wester society, we send out young people into the world and tell them to take their time and marry later in life. This is bad advice if you are someone who wants to marry a traditional woman.
Start young. When you are a friend of the family, you are friends with her brothers, you are an honorable friend to her sisters, her parents like you, and you’ve seen firsthand what type of environment she comes from, you have a much better chance of marrying a true traditional woman.
Related Article: 6 Reasons Christian Men Should Marry Young
4. Become a Traditional Man and Project Your Values in Noticeable Ways
As I said at the beginning of this article, traditional men are just as scarce as traditional women. And traditional women are looking just as hard for available traditional men. Sometimes guys think they are traditional and have the right qualities to attract a traditional woman, but in reality they don’t. Just because you value a traditional woman doesn’t mean you are a traditional man.
As a man, you need to be working hard as you make strides to becoming a good provider, you need to know how to protect others from liberal lies without becoming a hothead who lacks self-control, and most importantly you need to know your Bible.
If the only verse you know is John 3:16 and you call yourself a Christian man, you’re fooling yourself (2 Peter 1:10). You need to read your Bible every day (1 Peter 2:2), you need to memorize Scripture (Psalm 119:11), and you need to actually live your life by what the word of God says (Psalm 119:24).
Of course we are saved by grace alone (Ephesians 2:8-9), but when you have been saved by grace it actually changes the way you live (Ephesians 2:10)
If you are doing these things and letting your light shine, the woman God has for you will see you and invite you to pursue her.
