Here are 5 things that God will reveal to you when someone truly loves you deeply.
1. Deep Love Is Marked By a Happiness With Your Presence Even Without Your Performance
When I use the phrase, “deep love,” I’m talking about a romantic connection but one that goes deeper than infatuation or just really liking someone. I’m talking about that lasting type of love that leads to marriage. One way this type of love goes beyond worldly infatuation is the emphasis on being in one’s presence without the need for performance.
For example, let’s say that you meet someone online. You are unsure how much you like each other because all you know is surface level information from your online dating profiles and the casual conversations you just started having. There’s nothing wrong with really liking someone at this point in the relationship journey. But this isn’t enough to be a sign of deep love.
Now let’s say you two take it to the next level and you start going on some real dates in person with each other. Things continue to be positive. Conversation is easy. You both are laughing a lot and enjoying the activities you are doing together. Cards are being written. Flowers are being sent. Little text messages throughout the day are making you smile. But still, none of this is a true sign of deep love.
Now let’s say six months have passed and you two are beginning to settle into the relationship more. Your dates are simpler now. The flowers are less often. The text messages are less mushy. But your intimate connection and conversation is deepening. The emphasis is shifting away from the performance and onto just being in each other’s presence. Now you are beginning to see some real signs of deep love.
Notice how Song of Solomon 8:7 (NIV) emphasizes true love over earthly things. It states, “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” This verse is saying that when deep love is present, earthly things are easily given up for the sake of the one you love.
So if just being together is what brings you the most happiness from the relationship, this is a great sign true love is developing. It’s a red flag when a couple is only happy with each other when they are in performance mode.
2. Deep Love Is Marked By a Physical Attraction That Is Fueled By Your Character
As Christians we often get scared when the topic of physical attraction comes into the equation. You may even feel like your physical attraction is a bad sign, like it means you only like this person because of the attraction component. This is a valid concern, but when deep love is growing between a man and woman, it’s impossible for it to not be expressed physically.
For example, if someone is constantly talking about how physically beautiful you are or if someone is constantly feeling bad about themselves because they feel like you are too physically attractive and thus they get insecure around you, this would be a sign of infatuation and worldly attraction.
But now let’s say you meet someone and you both like each other and find each other attractive, but that’s not the primary thrust for your growing desire to be together. Instead of feeling a strong urge in your body to be close to this person, you both want to be close to each other because of the emotional connection that is growing.
With that said, one sign of a growing emotional connection is a growing physical attraction. Physical attraction rooted in infatuation will decrease the more you get to know someone. Physical attraction rooted in true love will increase the more you get to know someone.
While physical attraction can be an issue which leads to temptation and sin, it is also a problem if you don’t have a strong physical pull towards the person you are dating and headed towards marriage with. Your internal love should be causing you to feel physical desires for this person. God made sex in marriage to be an expression of love in marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2-4, Genesis 2:25).
So the deeper this person’s love for you grows, the more this should be expressed in physical attraction towards you too, which is one reason a healthy Christian dating relationship should always be progressing towards marriage; otherwise the physical passion will grow too strong and you two will start expressing your inner feelings in sexual ways outside of marriage.
Which brings me to the next important sign of deep love.
3. Deep Love Is Marked By Commitment
People in the world are scared by this word, “commitment.” This makes sense to me because I believe most people in the world are afraid of true love.
You may have said things to yourself like, “If someone really knew what I’ve done, they would never love me.” Or, “If someone really knew the deepest parts of me, they would run away from me.” Or, “The best thing I can hope for is to marry someone who finds me physically attractive because I know I don’t have anything else to offer.” These types of fears then cause you to fear long-term commitments and relationships because you know the longer you stay with someone the more likely they will actually get to know the deeper parts of you. You may even end relationships before they get too serious because you are afraid of being truly known.
But when deep love begins to occur, it’s impossible for commitment not to follow. Deep love says, “I want to know more, even if it’s going to be hard. I want to see the ugly parts of you to show you that I’m not going anywhere. Even when we show each other our worse selves, let’s keep loving each other.” As 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 explains, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
When someone is ready to commit and stay with you even when they see the ugly side of you, you know this person really loves you.
4. Deep Love Is Marked By a Willingness to Risk
We live in a culture that has made an idol out of safety. It’s easy to wake up and ask yourself, “How can avoid getting hurt today?” While God does want us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23) and to honor him by taking care of our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), God has not called us to live a sheltered life devoted to safety.
Love can never be bubble wrapped. There’s no such thing as riskless love. If you want to love anything, you have to be willing to risk getting hurt.
There’s no avoiding pain in this world. Even if you choose not to love because you want to avoid the possibility of pain, you will end up feeling the pain of a wasted, lonely, and loveless life. All you can do is pick the type of pain you are willing to experience.
You can experience the pain of loneliness caused by the worship of safety. You can choose to never love because you never want to risk anything and then let pain come on you through the regrets that are sure to find you later in life.
Or you can choose to experience pain that comes with loving someone so much you feel what they feel, you stay when they show you the ugly parts of themselves, and you stay open when they see the ugly parts of you.
When someone really loves you, they will be willing to risk getting hurt for you.
5. Deep Love Is Marked By Sacrifice
When someone really loves you, they will be willing to do things that are difficult to do. They will be willing to give up some of their dreams for your dreams. They will be willing to spend time with your friends rather than just always being with their friends. They will be willing to consider your desires when they are making important decisions. They will go slower if they know going slower is better for you even if they want to go faster.
Of course you will also need to return their sacrifices with sacrifices of your own, but the point I’m making is that deep, true love will always be marked by some sort of personal cost. The ultimate example of this is Jesus himself.
As Jesus said in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
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