4 Reasons It Feels Like “Your Person” Is an Unbeliever

You both seem really attracted to each other; your conversation is ridiculously natural; you share a lot of the same hobbies; you have the same sense of humor; and there seems to be a strong mutual interest. There’s just one problem – you’re a Christian, but they are not.

In this article, I’m going to give you 4 reasons it feels like this person is the one for you, even though they’re not a Christian.

Also, this is one of those articles where I’ll be listing different possibilities. In other words, you will probably only relate to one or two of the points, as there is a wide range of reasons why this might be happening to you.

Points 1-3 will be reasons that explain why you feel like they are the one for you, even though they are probably not. Point 4, however, will explain another possibility that involves you two ending up together one day. So make sure you watch to the end to get all the possibilities.

1. It Feels Like This Person Is The One Even Though They’re Not a Christian Because Something Is Off in Your Relationship with God

As I said in the intro, not every point in this article will relate to everyone. Some people are truly seeking God with all their heart, but for some reason, they find themselves with really strong feelings for an unbeliever. I’ll explain why that might be happening in the points ahead.

But to start, I do think we need to discuss the possibility that one reason you have feelings for an unbeliever is that your own relationship with God has been slipping lately. Maybe you were doing really well, reading your Bible every day, and thriving spiritually, but then life slowly started creeping in. Some old habits have come back. And while you’re not fully living in the world like you once did, you have gone back to some of those old worldly people, places, and things that were a part of your life before coming to Christ.

The fact is, when you drift from God, it will show up in your attraction towards other singles. Who you are attracted to says something about your own value system. Sometimes Christians are more attracted to non-Christians because deep down, they feel more compatible with them. They know they aren’t fully living for Christ, so they worry that a Christian who is will not want to be with them.

So, I think it’s wise to spend some time in self-reflection before the Lord in prayer and ask, “Father, what is going on in my heart that I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to serve you? Why am I drawn to someone who isn’t drawn to you?”

James 4:4 offers a severe warning that should cut us to the quick, “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

We must love the lost, but if we want to be united with the lost in an intimate way, something is off in our hearts.

2. It Feels Like This Person Is The One Even Though They’re Not a Christian Because You Don’t Realize What It Really Means to Be an Unbeliever

Perhaps point 1 rubbed you the wrong way. As I said, I don’t believe a disconnection with God is always the reason why a Christian would be romantically interested in a non-Christian. Another possibility is that this Christian lacks a full biblical picture of what it really means to be an unbeliever.

Many times, we equate Christianity with things like kindness, humility, love, and basically being a good person compared to others who are obviously selfish and mean. And in some sense, a Christian should definitely be defined by such traits. And yet, on a human level, non-Christians can be kind, generous, loving, and basically be “good” people.

But notice I said, “on a human level.” On the spiritual level, non-Christians are not capable of doing true good because they don’t do good for the glory of God. And when push comes to shove, there are always sins in an unbeliever’s life that they love more than God. Whether it be premarital sex, money, partying, or worldly status, they cannot have the desires of Christ because they lack the Holy Spirit inside of them.

Scripture actually states that non-Christians are still under the control of Satan (Ephesians 2:1-3, 1 John 5:19). When tempted to sin, they will give in because they lack the Spirit’s empowerment (Romans 8:5-8). And while some non-Christians might seem like “pretty good people,” by denying belief in God, they are showing that they hate him and don’t appreciate the good he gives them (Matthew 5:45). Unbelievers are actually hostile in their minds towards God and love their wicked deeds (Colossians 1:21).

As Christians, we shouldn’t use these biblical truths to make ourselves feel superior to non-Christians. We shouldn’t judge them for their current state. For we were all like them before Jesus set us free from our sin natures (Ephesians 2:3-7), and the only reason we hate sin and love God now is that he granted us grace through faith, and not because of anything we’ve done (Ephesians 2:8-10).

And yet, as Christians, to protect our own hearts and avoid being led into our former ways of darkness, we must take seriously what Scripture says about the current state of an unbeliever. They are not “basically a good person.” No, spiritually speaking, they are following Satan while we are seeking to follow God (2 Corinthians 4:4, John 8:44, 1 John 3:10).

So you might want to be with an unbeliever right now because you might not really know what Scripture says about being an unbeliever.

3. It Feels Like This Person Is The One Even Though They’re Not a Christian Because You’re Living in the Moment and Not Thinking About the Future

Flirting is easy. Being romantically attracted to each other is easy. Laughing at jokes, eating meals together, and enjoying hobbies are easy. But if you were to marry this person one day, you would realize that marriage is hard. There are fun, easy parts to it, but many challenging parts as well.

If you just want to have fun in the moment, it makes sense that you would be drawn to someone with a cool personality, attractive appearance, and similar interests. But you want a godly husband or wife, right? You want someone who is going to be faithful for the next 50 years, even after a bunch of messy things happen between you two. You want someone who isn’t going to bail when everything isn’t fun all the time anymore.

And most importantly, an unbeliever could never be your partner in the Lord. You will be incredibly lonely going to church by yourself, reading your Bible by yourself, and not being able to pray with your spouse.

Lastly, being unequally yoked prevents you from serving God as he wants you to serve him (2 Corinthians 6:14). The analogy of being equally yoked refers to similar oxen being paired together so that when they plow, neither drags the other, making plowing impossible. Likewise, when you choose an unbeliever as your spouse, you are elevating a person over your purpose as a Christian to serve God.

4. It Feels Like They’re The One Even Though They’re Not a Christian Because God Is In the Process of Saving Them Soon

If you’re a Christian who has feelings for an unbeliever, it’s going to be tempting to assume that this point is the one that relates to you. But in reality, this is the least likely possibility. So never wait for someone to become a Christian. You could be waiting for something that never happens. Never assess someone on potential. Rather, assess them on their current traits right now. While we all have potential to be better, which is a good thing, there’s no guarantee that we will achieve that potential.

And yet, I don’t think it would be fair to entirely rule out this possibility. I think some Christians will really love an unbeliever, and God will save that person. and then call them to get married one day. But if this were happening to you, I think you would sense that this person is close to coming to Jesus. If they are still a long way off and don’t seem interested in Christ at all, you should not assume this might still be your person. But if it seems like their conversion may happen soon, then perhaps you will become a couple one day.

Please note, however, I’m in no way saying that a Christian should start dating a non-Christian in hopes of saving that person or because they think God will save them one day. If God is going to save this person and then put you two together, let him do it in that order. While some people get the order wrong and the unbeliever still gets saved, there are always painful consequences to pay (Galatians 6:7). God could have saved that person and put those two together without them disobeying the word of God.

For more on this, you can read my article called Is It Wrong for Christians to Missionary Date Unbelievers?