5 Ways Christians Make It Difficult for God to Bring Them a Spouse

When I say that you can do something to “make it difficult for God” to bring you a relationship, I don’t mean we can do anything that literally decreases the power of God (Proverbs 19:21), overrules what he wants to do (Psalm 135:6), or elevates human free will over God’s sovereign will (Romans 9:18).

Rather, I’m simply referring to the biblical reality that there are times when God wants to bless his people, but he chooses not to because of something they are doing (Deuteronomy 30:19-20).

Therefore, here are 5 things that make it difficult for God to bring you a relationship.

1. When the Waiting Has Tempted You to Doubt God’s Ability or Desire to Bring You a Spouse, This Can Make It Difficult for Him to Give You a Relationship

Abraham and Sarah were promised a son. We often think that God delayed this gift, and then this delay caused Abraham and Sarah to sinfully take matters into their own hands by trying to provide an heir through Hagar (Gen 12:1–7; 16:1–4). But this idea of a “delay” is really just our human way of thinking. In God’s view, there was no delay because everything happened exactly when he wanted it to happen. The human characters in this story only felt like there was a delay in the promise because they had wrong expectations about the timing.

Likewise, we often begin to doubt God’s ability to provide us with the desires of our hearts when our timeline and God’s don’t align. But we have to remember there are no true delays with God. Everything happens in his perfect timing (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Thus, we must never allow our perception of a delay to tempt us into doubting God’s ability to bless us with what we desire.

Doubt can make it hard for God to bless us because he chooses to work through faith (James 1:5-7). Matthew 17:19-20 states:

Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, ‘Why could we not cast it out?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.’”

2. When You Are Walking in an Unrepentant Sin, This Makes It Difficult for God to Bring You a Relationship

Isaiah 59:1-2, “Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.”

In love, God often withholds blessings he wants to give us if we are walking in darkness. He does this because if he were to bless us when we are rebelling, this blessing would actually be a curse. To be a happy sinner is to be destined for hell. In love, God wants us to be miserable in our rebellion so that we can repent and come back to him; and in him, we will then find the fulfillment of life that we’ve always been searching for (Psalm 32:1-11).

Psalm 119:67-68, “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word. You are good and do good; teach me your statutes.” If you were designed to operate best in a godly marriage, the Lord will delay giving this to you as a way of helping you repent.

3. When You Think You Can Earn a Relationship Through Good Works, This Makes It Difficult for God to Bring You a Relationship

While walking in darkness can certainly make it difficult for God to bless you, perhaps it’s even worse when we falsely believe we can earn God’s gifts through our good works.

When we are sinning and become aware of how far we have fallen, we know without doubt that we are in desperate need of his grace (Psalm 51:1-3). And when we are in this state of humility, that’s when we are most bless-able (James 4:6).

Sometimes God allows us to go through a trial even when we are being obedient so that we realize, even then, the good in our lives was never earned. Sometimes God allows hard things to happen even when we are trying to do everything right so that we realize we were never in control to begin with.

Obedience is always right, but sometimes our motive behind our obedience needs to be adjusted. Obedience must be motivated by gratitude for God’s grace, not as a means of earning his grace.

If you think your obedience to God should earn you the right to receive the relationship you’ve always wanted, you are actually making it very hard for God to bless you. None of us is deserving, for we have all sinned and fallen short of his perfect standards (Romans 3:23). Thankfully, God is eager to bless us because of his grace once we realize we are not in control.

Matthew 23:12, “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

4. When You Believe God’s Choice for You Will Be Perfect, You Are Making It Difficult for Him to Give You a Relationship

I don’t believe in the concept of a soulmate. However, I do believe in the concept of the one. In other words, I don’t believe there is one perfect person out there who is the other missing part of your soul. I don’t believe that if you marry the person God wants you to marry, it means you two will have a perfect relationship with no problems.

Rather, when I say I believe in the concept of “the one,” I’m saying that I believe God knows who your future spouse is and he will put you two together in his sovereign timing (Ephesians 1:11). So why the delay?

Sometimes, I believe God delays giving people “the one” because they are looking for their “soulmate.” God is waiting to give them “the right person” because they are still waiting for “the perfect person.” Not only will waiting for a perfect person cause you to miss seeing the real person God has for you, but even if you were to meet the right person, your false belief that they should be perfect for you will make the relationship extremely challenging.

No one wants to feel like a failure. When you need someone to be perfect, that’s exactly how you will make them feel. In love, God often waits until we are mature enough to love an imperfect person.

Remember, God doesn’t love us because we are perfect. Rather, God loves us because he chooses to give us the love he has within Himself. And that’s how the healthiest couples operate. They don’t need their spouse to always be deserving. Rather, they choose to give their spouse the love God has freely given them to give to others (Ephesians 5:1-2, 1 John 4:19-21).

5. When You Equate God’s Love for You with His Choice to Give You a Relationship, This Makes It Difficult for God to Bring You a Relationship

Marriage is not the ultimate expression of God’s love. Jesus is the ultimate expression of God’s love (1 John 4:9). When we believe marriage is the test of God’s love for us, we are turning marriage into an idol.

God loves us too much to bless us with an idol. God will not give us something that will separate us from him. Thus, when we think a spouse is the ultimate key to our happiness, we are actually making it difficult for God to give us this blessing.

Marriage is good, but it is not good enough to satisfy our deepest needs. Without God being first and foremost in our hearts, we will not be free to enjoy marriage for the blessing it can be. Rather, we will always be focused on what marriage can’t be. Instead of being free to enjoy your imperfect spouse, you will become overly focused on their problems because your heart longs for the perfect love that only Jesus can provide.

As Psalm 16:2 explains, when we don’t have God, nothing is really good: “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.”

Here’s a related article called 4 Signs God Is About to Give the Person You Really Desire.