If you feel anxious around someone from the opposite sex, what does this mean? Is it a good or bad sign?
To answer that question, I think we first need to highlight the fact that there are different forms of anxiety. So, to determine what God might be saying about this person through the anxiety you are feeling, we need to rightly identify the specific type of anxiety you are experiencing.
Therefore, here are 4 different types of anxiety that you might be experiencing around someone. And for each type, we will then give biblical possibilities for what God might be saying.
1. Anxiety Can Be a Warning Sign of Danger
When Christians hear the word “anxiety,” we often think of Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV), which states: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
This is a powerful warning against the bad type of anxiety. We will discuss this more in point 2. However, to keep us safe, God has also given us the capability of feeling a healthy anxiety meant to warn us about real dangers. For example, in Philippians 2:25-28, Paul wrote:
I have thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier, and your messenger and minister to my need, for he has been longing for you all and has been distressed because you heard that he was ill. Indeed he was ill, near to death. But God had mercy on him, and not only on him but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow. I am the more eager to send him, therefore, that you may rejoice at seeing him again, and that I may be less anxious.”
Here we have an example of healthy “distress” caused by concern when a loved one was ill. Also, we have Paul stating he was “anxious” because of this situation, too.
My point is, there is a form of anxiety that is not sinful. If someone we love is in danger and there is something we can do to lessen that danger, we will experience a healthy anxiety that will motivate us to help keep that person safe.
Likewise, when it comes to relationships, sometimes God will give you a healthy anxiety when you are around someone so that you sense this person is dangerous. If someone is worldly, for example, and you are spending a lot of time with them, you will probably have a gut feeling that this connection is wrong. The anxiety you feel will be a sign from the Holy Spirit to flee. It will be given to keep you safe.
2. Anxiety Can Be a Symptom of Worry
Now let’s jump back to the type of anxiety warned against in Philippians 4:6-7. Worrying is not healthy (Matthew 6:34). It is a sign we are not trusting God. When we pray and cast all our burdens on Christ, he gives us a peace that surpasses understanding.
Therefore, it’s possible you feel anxiety around someone because you aren’t trusting Christ with your desire for this person. Perhaps you want to be with them so badly that you are worried you will say something wrong or that they won’t like you.
If you have this type of anxiety around someone, it doesn’t automatically mean God is telling you to give this person up. Rather, this type of anxiety is a clear sign God wants you to spend more time in prayer about this person. As you seek the will of God in prayer, you will be filled with the Spirit not only to decipher God’s will, but also to act like yourself around this person.
In time, your renewed peace around this person gained through prayer will help you do one of two things. First, you may realize this person is not right for you. Or, you may realize they are right for. Either way, the peace of Christ will point you towards God’s will.
3. Anxiety Can Be a Fruit of Genuine Concern
As I highlighted in point 1, Paul was anxious when one of his fellow workers was sick and when others heard that he was sick (Philippians 2:25-28). This is an example of being anxious for someone you love. In 2 Corinthians 11:28, Paul also wrote, “And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches.”
Thus, it’s safe to say that you could be anxious when you are around someone because you care so much about them. If you sense they are struggling or going through something hard, it’s natural to feel an inner anxiety.
If this is happening to you, it could mean a few things. First, it probably means God wants you to pray for this person. Second, it could mean God wants you to offer more to help this person. Perhaps God is giving you a healthy concern for them because the help you will offer will increase your connection, which could result in a growing romantic relationship, too.
4. Anxiety Can Be Caused By Dwelling on the Unknown Too Much
I’ve found it to be generally true that depression is often linked to thinking of the past, while anxiety is often linked to thinking about the future.
If you really like someone, it’s natural to want to know what will happen in the future between you two. However, if all you do is think about it and wonder, your anxiety will build (Matthew 6:34). The reality is, if you really want to know what will happen in the future, you need to interact with this person more in the present.
Yes, pray. Yes, plan. And yes, ask God for peace. But you also need to walk with the Lord in real life and see what happens (Proverbs 16:3). Perhaps your anxiety will go away once you do more to interact with this person, which will give you real clarity about how they might feel about you.
If you find yourself in that situation, here’s a related article called 4 Biblical Steps to Take When You’re Confused About What Someone Feels for You
