In fear of hurting a woman, sometimes a man will just move on from her rather than telling her what the specific reason is. There are things men really want their future wife to have, but they are not going to try to help a woman have those traits. Rather, they are just going to look for a woman who already does have those traits and move on from the women who don’t.
Here are 3 things a Christian man wants in a wife that he’s not going to tell you.
1. A Man Wants a Wife Who Won’t Try to Change the Parts of His Life that He Really Enjoys in His Singleness
What makes a man desirable to Christian women? There are many, many variables we could talk about. But perhaps at the top of the list, besides his walk with God, is that women are attracted to a man when he has his life together and he’s happy. No woman wants to come in and rescue a man who seems to be struggling in every area of his life.
Problems occur in the relationship, however, when the woman comes in and tries to change the very things about this man that originally drew her to him. Perhaps she starts complaining about all the time he spends on his health. Perhaps she grows annoyed when he invites his friends over. Or maybe she wants him to get home earlier from work rather than trying so hard to impress his boss all the time.
A man, however, knows the things that attracted her to him required a lot of work. And over the years, he came to enjoy the work. His soul starts to die when he just “settles down” with a woman.
A godly man really does want to be marry a godly woman, but he fears marrying a woman who is going to change the parts of his life that he currently enjoys (1 Corinthians 7:33-34). He knows he will have to compromise and make some changes, as will she. But nonetheless, he wants to be with a woman who wants to join his life rather than change his life (Genesis 2:18).
A man probably isn’t going tell you this. If he senses you are unhappy with the things that make him happy, he will look for a woman who doesn’t make him feel like he has to choose between his desire for her and his other goals in life revolving around hobbies, work, and ministry.
2. A Man Wants a Wife Who Doesn’t Need Him to Solve All Her Emotional Needs
Of course a good man wants to be there for his wife. Of course they should help each other deal with the issues they each face in life. And a spouse is meant to help solve a lot of emotional needs that God has put into the human heart.
But some people take this way too far. Instead of treating their spouse as a good blessing from the Lord, they start treating their spouse as though he or she is “the” blessing from the Lord. While men can certainly do this with woman too, it looks different when a woman does it.
For women, this unhealthy dependence that goes beyond what the Lord indented for marriage usually manifests in needing her husband to solve all of her emotional issues. She becomes a black hole of unhappiness that the man can never fill no matter how hard he tries. Eventually he feels defeated because he realizes this will never end. No matter what he does, she will never be emotionally satisfied with him.
Proverbs 21:9, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”
If a man doesn’t feel like you are emotionally stable on your own, he will fear marrying you because he knows he can’t be what you really need. Only God can fill that hole in each of our human hearts. While a husband and wife can be a great blessing to each other, only Jesus can make you truly emotionally stable (Philippians 3:7-8).
3. A Man Wants a Wife Who Is Happy to Fulfill Her Roles in the Marriage and in Motherhood without Complaining All the Time About How Hard It Is
Being a wife and mother is extremely hard. This point is not meant to minimize that truth. And this is not about comparing the roles of husbands and wives. Both have hard jobs and both the husband and wife will go through seasons where they are struggling more than the other.
However, the point here is that no one wants to constantly here about how hard normal life is. Of course if something out of the norm is happening it makes sense to talk about it. And sharing your burdens with your husband will certainly be a healthy thing to do (Galatians 6:2). But all that is different than being a complainer.
A complainer looks at her roles in life and sees them as a burden rather than a joy. Yes, being a wife is hard. Being a mother is hard. But a man wants to be with a woman who also loves being a wife and mother, not one who seems to hate it and just does it because it’s her job. If you complain about your role, it makes him feel like you hate the life you’ve chosen with him.
Of course complaining husbands are just as problematic. I’m just pointing this out to single Christian women because that’s the topic of this article.
Proverbs 27:15-16 (NLT) states, “A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.”
If you are a casual complainer, doing your job but doing it unhappily, just know a godly man will probably fear marrying you because he will doubt you could be happy in all the hard work ahead in marriage and parenting if he was to marry you.
As it says of the Proverbs 31 woman, “She is energetic and strong, a hard worker . . . She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her . . .” (Proverbs 31:17, 27-28, NLT). She’s clearly a happy woman in her roles as a wife and mother, and this is extremely enjoyable and attractive to her husband.
Related Article: 8 Signs of a Proverbs 31 Woman
