When I talk about God revealing “the one,” I’m not denying the fact that millions of people get married all the time without doing it God’ way. So I’m not saying that if you don’t see these 4 spiritual things you can’t marry someone. God allows us all to make choices. But God also allows us all to experience the consequences of our choices. God wants good for you; therefore, God has made the best path clear to us in his word.
So these 4 things are not needed to just get married. But if you are waiting for God’s best and seeking a spouse who you can truly have a godly marriage with, then these 4 spiritual attributes will be present when you meet this person.
1. When God Reveals The One, This Person Will Have a Respectful Spiritual Attitude Towards Jesus Christ
If you’ve gone to any church in America in the last 20 years, I have no doubt that you have heard the truth that God loves you. The church has done a great job of preaching this biblical truth of late. And I’m not saying this sarcastically. It’s an eternal and essential truth that God is love and that through Jesus he has expressed his amazing love to us. A great passage to read more about this is 1 John 4.
While it is absolutely biblical to tell the world that God loves them (because he does!), it is not biblical to only tell the world this one biblical truth that God loves them. Yes, the Bible clearly says God is love and that God loves the world (1 John 4:8-9), but this is certainly not the only things the Bible says about God.
The Bible also says that God is holy (1 Peter 1:16), it says he is the just judge who punishes those who do not repent (Psalm 7:10-13), and it says God requires our submissive humility so we are not opposed by him like the proud are opposed by him (James 4:6-7). Hebrews 12:25-29 explains:
See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, ‘Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.’ This phrase, ‘Yet once more,’ indicates the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.”
It’s common to find people who understand the biblical truth that God loves them. It is less common to find people who understand that God loves them and that God still requires their reverence and awe because he is a consuming fire.
So if you want an uncommon marriage that is filled with authentic faith, you must look for someone who is marked not only with gratitude for God’s love but who is also marked by respect for God’s power.
2. When God Reveals The One, This Person Will Be Marked With the Supernatural Knowledge of Christ’s Deep Love
As I said in point 1, while the Bible reveals more about God than his love for us, this certainly is a monumental truth that transforms us when we grasp it. But grasping this truth must go beyond our mental knowledge. According to Scripture, there is a type of spiritual knowledge about God’s love that is available that goes beyond human understanding. Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV) states:
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”
We are called to know God’s love in a way that “surpasses knowledge.” This is of first importance for the sake of our relationship with God himself. But without this deep spiritual knowledge about God’s love, it is impossible to have a healthy human relationship too. When you have not experienced this spiritual awakening to Christ’s love, you will have a restless soul that always searches for the love that it lacks. You will feel like you’ve found it when you meet someone special, but overtime that love fades and you begin to search again.
But when two people have been spiritually awakened to the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, they can join together as a content husband and wife who spend their energy on loving God together rather than trying to fill each other, which is impossible and never ends well.
To love well, you have to first know you are fully loved by God through Jesus Christ.
3. When God Reveals The One, This Will Be Marked By a Safe Spiritual Environment That Allows Two Open Hearts to Thrive
Spiritual abuse is rampant in the church today. Forceful people often try to convince you to believe what they believe by shaming you and condemning you for having different beliefs. I’m in no way saying that truth is relative and we should have this kind of “acceptance is the only absolute truth” mentality. That type of postmodern thinking and liberal theology is a type of spiritual abuse too.
A healthy spiritual environment will be kind, encouraging, accepting, and patient; but it will also be based on biblical, absolute truth and will not compromise on the core tenants of Scripture. There will be a healthy ability to know what hills to die on and what arguments to agree to disagree about for the sake of unity. This is not an easy balance to find, but it is especially important if you desire to have a healthy spiritual connection with your future spouse.
Therefore, if you want to find someone that you can create a safe spiritual environment with that allows you both to have an open heart rather than a guarded heart, then you must be wise in your selection. If you choose someone with radically different spiritual beliefs than you, there will always be tension in this area of your connection. So you really do need to be equally yoked on the core truths of Christianity while also possessing a sensitive and respectful spirit that does not cause you both to require absolute congruity on every tiny little theological issue. As Ephesians 4:15-16 states:
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”
For more on this, you may want to read my article, How to Deal with Theological Differences in Dating and Marriage.
4. When God Reveals The One, There Will Be a Mutual Selflessness and a Christ-Like Mindset Between You Both
Any healthy relationship with another Christian, whether it be a friendship or a spouse, will always be marked by selfless love. True Christians follow Christ, and Christ offered selfless love. As Philippians 2:1-5 (NIV) explains:
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus . . . .”
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