Not every woman who says something confusing is manipulative. Some women are genuinely unsure, immature, or simply not interested. But there are patterns that repeatedly show up when a woman wants attention without commitment.
Scripture warns us that words can promise what actions never deliver (Proverbs 25:14). In fact, one sign someone is leading you on is when they enjoy your attention but get uncomfortable when real commitment shows up.
So let’s talk about four sweet-sounding phrases that feel harmless, but often signal emotional manipulation.
Lie #1: “You’re My Best Friend, So I Don’t Want to Date You and Mess That Up”
What it sounds like:
“I value you too much to risk losing you.”
What it often means:
“I want your emotional investment without romantic responsibility.”
There are genuine cases where a woman values a friendship and doesn’t want romance. But watch this pattern: She leans on you emotionally, flirts occasionally, gets jealous when you talk to other women, but then refuses clarity about her feelings for you.
One biblical principle is that when a woman is right for you, she won’t just tolerate your pursuit — she invites it (Ruth 3:9, Song of Solomon 1:2).
A woman who truly wants you won’t hide behind friendship language to avoid commitment. She’ll want forward movement.
So here’s the key question? Does she treat you like a friend? Or like a boyfriend without the title? If she treats you like a friend, there won’t be romantic undertones. If there’s some form of male-to-female chemistry going on, but she keeps clinging to the friendship card, she’s probably just manipulating you.
Lie #2: “Me and That Other Guy Are Just Friends”
What it sounds like:
“You have nothing to worry about.”
What it often means:
“I want multiple sources of attention.”
Perhaps she is saying she likes you as more than a friend, but then she also spends a lot of time with another guy. If she valued you and really wanted to be something more with you, she would let this other guy friend go to protect her connection with you. Romans 16:18, “. . . by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naïve.”
Or perhaps she is claiming just to be your friend and says she doesn’t want anything more. She might then claim this other guy is just a friend too because she’s not ready to lose your attention yet. But when she starts dating this other guy, she will then stop paying attention to you.
Therefore, one warning sign that a woman is leading you on is when her interest in you only increases when she feels rejected or lonely. If she only turns to you when other guys disappear, you’re not her choice — you’re her backup plan.
Lie #3: “Maybe Someday We Could Be Something More”
What it sounds like:
Hope.
What it often is:
A leash.
This is one of the most common ways a woman keeps you emotionally hooked without committing. She offers future possibilities instead of present clarity.
The Bible praises timely clarity: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” (Proverbs 25:11)
When she drags out ambiguity too long, that lack of clarity itself becomes the answer. Prolonged confusion and waiting should be seen as her rejecting you. Don’t settle for breadcrumbs. Accept that she’s not actually interested and she is probably just using you for attention.
So, when she says, “Maybe someday we could be something more,” translate that into what she really means: “If nothing better comes along, maybe I’ll choose you. Probably not. I hope not. But I would maybe settle for you if I had to.”
Godly relationships don’t operate on indefinite maybes.
Lie #4: “I Had No Idea You Felt That Way About Me”
What it sounds like:
Surprise.
What it often is:
Damage control.
Many men confess feelings after months of obvious emotional investment:
- constant texting
- long late-night talks
- deep personal sharing
- flirtation
If she truly didn’t know, she wasn’t paying attention. And if she did know but acted surprised, she’s protecting her image. Luke 6:45, “Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
Sometimes God reveals a woman’s true character after you start pursuing her so you can see who she really is. In other words: revelation is protection.
Men often assume confusion means mystery. But in dating, confusion usually means misalignment. This is especially true when the confusion seems never-ending, even when you are doing your best to get clear answers from her. If she keeps things vague, she’s probably doing that because she has a hidden agenda. She doesn’t want you like you want her, but she doesn’t want to lose your attention yet either.
When God is leading you toward the right woman:
- She will make you feel valued
- She will respond positively to your pursuit
- And she will provide clarity, not chaos
Manipulation thrives in ambiguity. Godly love thrives in clarity.
So how should you respond if this happens to you?
Don’t argue. Don’t chase harder. Don’t try to decode mixed signals.
Do this instead: Watch actions, not words. Because promises without follow-through are like clouds with no rain (Proverbs 25:14).
A mature Christian man doesn’t beg for affection. He evaluates fruit and makes clear decisions for his own life. Don’t let a woman manipulate you and waste your time.
Here’s a related article called 4 Marks of a Woman Sent By Satan to Waste Your Time
