1 Corinthians 16:13
How do single Christian guys scare Christian women away?
Each situation is obviously unique, but I believe there are some common themes in many single Christian guys these days that cause singleness. Singleness is not bad. It is a gift from God. But if you want to be married this is a good desire.
So here are 6 reasons many single Christian guys scare women away.
(For the women’s side of things, see 6 Ways Christian Girls Scare Guys Away.)
1. Christian Guys Scare Women Away By Coming on Too Strong and Too Soon
This mistake is especially easy to make for introverted Christian men. Why? Because they often think so much about this woman, plan out every detail of how they will ask her out on a date, and analyze every possible angle of the relationship, they end up taking things way too seriously way too soon.
By the time they open their mouths to actually talk to the woman, they are so far ahead of reality they scare her away. Too much planning before any action in relationships usually results in a lot of pressure being placed on the person who has not thought about this relationship as much as you have.
Christian relationships are serious, but I think some Christian guys take each interaction with with each woman too seriously. I think this is one negative outcome of the Christian courting movement. Just relax. Enjoy the moment. Don’t think about marrying this woman or come up with a 50-step plan on how you will win her affection. Relationships are always more enjoyable when they happen organically and are not so forced.
So some Christian guys scare women away because they try too hard too soon rather than just building a friendship and then moving towards a Christian dating relationship if things are going well. Trusting in God’s sovereign power will help you relax because you will realize it doesn’t all depend on you (1 Peter 5:6-7).
2. Christian Guys Scare Women Away By Waiting Too Long to Make a Move After There’s Obvious Chemistry
If a guy is over analyzing, it might cause him to wait too long to make a move. When a man and woman like each other, there is a window where there needs to be some movement forward or else the relationship will naturally start moving backwards. You can see this in the dynamics between Ruth and Boaz. She worked in his field, but then the harvest came to end. To avoid losing the momentum they gained during this time of working together, they made a greater commitment to each other right after the harvest so they could stay connected rather than drift apart (Ruth 2:23-Ruth 3:2)
If a guy never makes a move when it seems like he and woman really like each other, eventually she will move on. She won’t wait forever. She will interpret his waiting as lack of interest in her. She will get scared off because she doesn’t want to be the one who likes someone who doesn’t like her back.
I can’t tell you when this relationship window is opened but then closes. It’s different for everyone. But when it passes you bye, you will feel it. So while moving too soon is dangerous, you should still always be moving forward with a woman. Take it slow, but don’t get stuck doing nothing but waiting. That’s when you miss out.
3. Christian Guys Scare Women Away When They Talk About Their Sexual Struggles Too Soon or in Too Much Detail
This is not the article to explain how a Christian man or woman should talk about their sexual past struggles. Rather, I just want to caution guys on the dangers of sharing this information too soon, too late, or with too much detail.
I’ve seen guys be in a dating relationship but really want to tell their new girlfriend about their porn addictions which they struggled with in the past and still have to fight against to stay sober. While the motive might be good here, this is too much pressure for a girlfriend. Your girlfriend does not need to know about your struggles with sexual temptation unless you are moving towards marriage in a very serious way.
A Christian wife needs to know about her husband’s struggles with porn and lust. She doesn’t need to know all the details, but she does need to know what he is actually fighting against. But when a Christian single guy shares this type of information with a Christian woman that he’s not that serious with, it can be too much too soon and it can scare her away. Information like that is best shared with other Christian men (1 Timothy 5:2).
(For more on this see Should Your Wife Be Your Accountability Partner?)
4. A Christian Guy Scares a Woman Away When He Does Not Possess a Biblical Masculinity (Too Passive or Too Angry)
When sin corrupted womanhood and manhood, one result was that men swing from one extreme to the next. They are either too passive and weak and do not fight for those they love, or they are too oppressive and aggressively dominant those they are supposed to be loving. When God was explaining the curse to women, Genesis 3:16 explains,
Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”
A Christian marriage should be based on mutual respect and service. When sin is running the show, a husband and a wife seek to control the other person.
A Christian woman wants a Christian man as defined by the Bible. If the guy is either too passive and weak or too oppressive and angry, she will be scared off.
5. A Christian Woman Will Be Scared Off By a Guy Who Is Not Attractive
When it comes to a Christian relationship, physical attraction should not be the most important factor in the relationship. However, if a Christian woman is not physically attracted to a guy, it doesn’t matter how great of a person he is, she will probably be scared off.
While women are not as visually wired as men, women are probably more romance-centered than men. While a man has a more intense craving for a physical experience, a woman usually has a more intense feeling for romance. The thing is that romance and physical attraction are connected.
If there is no romance in the relationship, the guy will be less physically attracted to the woman. But if there is no physical attraction in the relationship, the woman will be less romantically interested in the guy. A woman does not want a marriage with no romance. Therefore if she is not attracted to a man she will be scared off.
Not every guy is as physically gifted as other men, but all guys can take care of their bodies to the best of their ability. All you can do is be the healthiest version of you. If you do this, odds are some woman out there will be attracted to you. But if you let yourself go and you think your appearance doesn’t matter at all, you are mistaken and you will probably scare off single Christian women (Luke 6:31).
6. A Christian Guy Will Scare Off a Christian Woman If She Feels He Is Not Spiritually Mature Enough to Lead Her
This is the biggest reason I see that Christian women get scared off by guys. If a guy just does not possess the spiritual maturity to lead her (Ephesians 5:25-33), he can check all the other boxes, but a Christian woman will still be scared to get serious with this man.
Here’s a related article called Marriage Material: What a Man Needs to Get Married According to the Bible.