1 John 5:21, Psalm 34:18
How can you stop going back to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend? If you are a Christian and you want to do what is right, how can you get over someone you are attached to? Perhaps your ex is someone who hurts your or is a cheater and you know you should stay away but for some reason you keep getting back together. What can be done?
Here are 5 Christian relationship tips if you want to know how to stop going back to your ex.
If You Want to Stop Going Back to Your Ex, Settle It With God First So You Don’t Fall to the Doubts Later
One reason it is so important that we go to God first before we make decisions is so that when we look back later we do not have regrets. Perhaps you know in your head that biblically you should not date your ex again because this person was hurtful to you or has repeatedly cheated on you. You know this person does not possess the qualities of a godly spouse and is the type of person the Bible says to avoid.
But as time goes on we can play mind games with ourselves and wonder if we should be forgiving or try to date this person again to help them become a Christian. When you feel those emotional bonds with this person, it’s easy to justify going back to your ex.
This is why you have to settle it with God first. Even if you know it is the right biblical thing to do and then you break up, if you do not feel God’s personal leading you will doubt yourself later. When you sense that God is truly leading you to never go back to this person, then you will have more confidence to stay away when the doubts come later.
If You Want to Stop Going Back to Someone You Are Attached to, Have a Clear Conversation with this Person and Explain to Them Why You Must Fully Move On
If you really want to move on from someone that you keep going back to, you need closure. You need a definite end to the relationship rather than an open-ended scenario where neither of you really know if you will get back together one day or not.
You may even need to have a season of really breaking it off. If you’ve been together a longtime, this person might be really hurt and not able to understand why you are saying you are fully moving on. It’s not wrong to give this some time and allow the questions to be asked. However, eventually you need to accept that they may never like what you are saying. You must have that final moment where you truly say goodbye and you really mean it.
If you really want to stop going back to your ex, you need to have one final conversation with this person so you can redefine your relationship. You should explain to him or her that you need to move and do not want to keep getting back together.
If you never tell this person that it is truly over and you don’t plan on getting back together ever again, then this person will hover and float in and out of your life. You will keep getting back with your ex if you let this happen.
If You Keep Going Back to Your Ex, Be Extreme In Cutting This Person Off from Your Life
I don’t believe every Christian breakup needs to be extreme. I think you can still be cordial and even hangout together in groups of friends if your relationship was healthy and respectful but it just didn’t work out between you two.
However, if you are in a cycle with your ex where you keep getting back together and then breaking up, you need to truly cut off this relationship in an extreme way. I’m not saying you should be hateful or rude. However, you need to fully remove this person from your life if you are attached to him or her. When you are an alcoholic you don’t keep alcohol in the house. Likewise, if you are attached to someone who hurts you and you keep going back to your ex, you have to recognize you cannot be around them in your life.
So if you want to stop going back to your ex, you have to cut them off completely after you have that final conversation with him or her. You may have to even tell your mutual friends that you are really moving on and thus cannot hangout with them if your ex is present. Unfriend your ex on social media and throw out all the old reminders of this person in your house.
Don’t do these things in bitterness or unforgiveness. Do this because you are trying to honor God. If you know God is leading you to truly move on and to stop going back with someone, then you have to be extreme.
If You Want to Stop Going Back to Someone, Repent of Sexual and Emotional Intimacy that Crossed Christian Dating Lines
If you crossed healthy Christian dating boundaries with your ex, you might be even more attached to this person than you would after any normal breakup. The reason you should have boundaries in a dating relationship is because when they are crossed you end up hurting yourself and your ex. You can be overly connected to this person without the commitment. This is dangerous.
Sometimes you keep going back to your ex because you are still connected to him or her even though you know they are not good for you. Intellectually you know this isn’t right but you are connected to him or her because your crossed sexual boundaries or emotional boundaries. Sex is reserved for marriage because it bonds you with someone. Jesus can restore and repair you. He can break that bond and make you new. He can bond you with your Christian spouse one day. But you have to actively repent and seek healing in situations like these.
The same is true for emotional bonds. Perhaps you did not commit sexual sin in this Christian relationship but perhaps you made promises and talked about things you should not have said. You will need to repent of these sins and ask Jesus to break those unhealthy bonds so you can be healed completely in him.
Don’t Look Back If You Do Not Want to Keep Going Back to Someone
Once you’ve done the above steps, you need to keep moving forward. If you keep looking back you will never be able to move. Time does not heal all wounds. Jesus heals all wounds. But It takes time for Jesus to heal us. We need to not give in to the hurts and desires to return to someone if you know God has said this is a bad relationship to be in.
So how can you stop going back to your ex as a Christian? With Christ alone.