When you are a Christian single who desires to please God, one of the most pressing questions is often, “How will I know when I meet the person God wants me to marry?”
One AGW reader left a comment on the blog, “How to Know if God Is Calling You to Singleness: 4 Signs God Wants You to Be Single.” He states:
My question is, what does a Christian relationship really look like? How does God let you know that you’ve found the right person?
Below are four ways to know how God might tell you if you’ve found the right person to marry.
- God tells you who to marry through the obvious circumstances in your relationship.
God usually speaks through the obvious and practical details of our lives. Therefore if you think someone is the “one” and yet they don’t feel the same way, God is not speaking what you think.
Look at all the obvious signs first. Are you both Christians? Are you both mature enough for marriage? Do you both want to be married to one another? Do your friends and family support this union?
Sometimes we over complicate things. When you can answer simple questions like these, barring some supernatural revelation from God telling you otherwise, God is usually telling you “yes” through this type of circumstantial evidence that you should marry this person.
- God always speaks to us through his word, including on who to marry.
In addition to the external circumstances, you should first and foremost go to the word of God. God will not tell you who to marry specifically in his word, “Marry Amy!” But God does help us know who he wants us to marry by teaching us what type of person Christians should marry.
Does this possible marriage union contradict any commands in Scripture? God always speaks through his word. So is this potential marriage partner the type of person God tells Christians to marry? Are you the type of person God wants to marry one of his sons or daughters? Are you trying to missionary date an unbeliever? Will you be somewhat compatible and equally yoked theologically in marriage? Is your vision for the type of life you want to live for God compatible with one another? What other biblical categories come to mind that the two of you might need to talk through?
Answer questions like these through studying God’s word and then compare your possible marriage with your findings. No one will be perfect. Each marriage will have struggles. If you are looking for perfection you will always be unmarried. But never deny obvious truths in Scripture for the sake of marrying someone.
When we try to live according the word of God, God will let you know when you have found the right person.
- How do you know if you’ve found the right person? Listen to the Holy Spirit’s leading in your heart.
We shouldn’t make every decision based upon feelings inside of us. But as Christians, we must be sensitive to the Spirit’s leading.
If God is leading you to marry someone, you should feel good in your heart about the decision to marry this person. If you have major fear, anxiety, and uneasiness about it all, the Holy Spirit might be trying to speak with you, telling you to slow down or not to marry this person at all.
Of course we will feel some fear and anxiety whenever we are making a big decision. But you will know (discernment) the difference between healthy fears relating to big decisions compared to when the Holy Spirit is giving you a clear “No.”
- Trust me (and everyone else with this common advice): “You will just know” when God is telling you who he wants you to marry.
Finally, for the vaguest and perhaps most unhelpful (or most helpful, depending on how you look at) advice: When you meet the one God wants you to marry, you will just know.
People say this all the time and it makes no sense until you experience it for yourself. But for me and for everyone else I’ve talked to about this subject, this statement, “You will just know,” is true when it comes to answering the question, “How does God let you know that you’ve found the right person?”
Seek God, love God, follow God, obey God, trust God, and he will make it clear who he wants you to marry. You won’t know until it’s time. Therefore, just follow him and enjoy the ride. He’s training you right now for what’s ahead.
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I have to say, this is the first time I’ve ever left a comment on a post. I came across your post after hearing it from one of the girls I mentor and found it misleading and unbiblical… The idea that “you’ll just know”? I noticed you’ve written mulitipe books which is even more concerning after reading this post. Why didn’t you provide scripture? I assumed that finding it on a site titled, “applying God’s word” would warrant scriptural backing. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Hi Hanna,
Thanks for your comments. I respect your thoughts that this is bad advice. I wouldn’t ever tell someone the only way to know who to marry is “you will just know.” As you mentioned, I have written a book on singleness which has a lot more information. This article was meant to be a short article giving quick tips, not an in-depth study covering every angle.
Additionally, here’s what I did say in the article, “Does this possible marriage union contradict any commands in Scripture? God always speaks through his word. So is this potential marriage partner the type of person God tells Christians to marry? Are you the type of person God wants to marry one of his sons or daughters? Are you trying to missionary date an unbeliever? Will you be somewhat compatible and equally yoked theologically in marriage? Is your vision for the type of life you want to live for God compatible with one another? What other biblical categories come to mind that the two of you might need to talk through? Answer questions like these through studying God’s word and then compare your possible marriage with your findings. No one will be perfect. Each marriage will have struggles. If you are looking for perfection you will always be unmarried. But never deny obvious truths in Scripture for the sake of marrying someone. When we try to live according the word of God, God will let you know when you have found the right person.”
As I hope you can I agree that people should follow what God has said in his word. However, you will need to apply biblical truth to each unique circumstance/relationship as God will not say “Marry Joe” or “Don’t marry Joe” anywhere in the Bible. Lastly, if you look at the beginning of the post under the picture I reference Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”
Lastly, I do stand by the need for an inner conviction that this person is the right person to marry. The point I was trying to make with the statement “you will just know” is that facts and checked boxes are good but not enough when it comes to marriage. When you choose to marry someone, you need to have a strong inner conviction that it is the right thing to do. The inner feelings should not be the only reasons you marry this person, but it should be present too.
I hope that that clarifies my points. I have a feeling you will still disagree and I respect that. Feel free to leave some Bible verses or other thoughts that you feel will benefit people. Thanks and God bless,
Mark
hey.i am 21 years old and studying at varsity.there is this guy whom i met about 2 years ago.while he was just a stranger to me whose name i didn’t even know,and while i was in love with someone else,i had clear dreams which felt so real about him and i loving one another.even though for a reason i did not understand these dreams made me happy,i ignored them and now as i speak i am in love with him for real.i now know his name but we have not spoken to one another.i also know some parts about his life and that he is in a love relationship with another girl.i always see them together and it hurts.They are everyone in school s favorite couple and many people root for their love.it always worries me how i have tried to get over him but failed every time no matter how much i asked God to help me get over him.i also asked God that if He is the one for me may He help us get together or give me a sign.This really was a matter which bothered me because in all these years i never managed to get over him whereas it seemed there wasn’t hope of us being together.i wanted God to tell me clearly whether he is the one for me or not..a few days ago i met a Prophet of God and he told me that people will be against my marriage it but it will be beautiful.all i could think of was him and that made me happy because it felt like God was answering my prayers and questions about him because i know if i were to be with him many people would oppose our relationship…but reality still lurks around me.we have never even spoken and there seems to be no opportunity for us to get closer unless one of us talks first to the other..,do you think perhaps God wants me to be with him?do you think there is a reason why God gave me those dreams about him.what do you think was His purpose.or maybe they were just dreams and its really impossible for me to be with him.what should i do ?
Your questions are answered in these articles:
https://applygodsword.com/how-to-hear-god-part-3-of-4/
https://applygodsword.com/christian-dating-advice-12-signs-he-she-secretly-likes-you/
https://applygodsword.com/christian-advice-how-to-get-over-someone/
I hope these help!
-Mark
Hi, am Winifrend am 24yrs old I’v been in a relationship 4about 3yrs now this man in question seems to be God fearing person gose to church knows about the scriptures and obey God’s word, but something very strange happed that am still in shock till date, he had affair with a woman before we meet and the woman happed to be pregnant 4 him before i new it the woman already the child 4 him a baby boy,in this case this guy I love him when i him i thought all i’v been seeking 4rm God i’v gotten but when this occur i became confused and my mother/siblings became against the relationship plz help me should i continue or quiet those God want me to marry such person or still keep peatient
I thinks you should talk to a local pastor so you can share more details. It sounds complicated. It really depends how long ago all this happened and if this man is now mature in Christ unlike he was then.
-Mark